A visit from Ironman

I wake up and find a huge statue of Bart Allen in my front yard. Sigh it's obvious who put that there. I get dressed and walk down the hall to Robin's room. “Tim! Get that out of the front yard!" I yell knocking at his door.

“Where am I supposed to put it Bruce?"

“How about where Titan's Tower used to be?"

" How about you stop using the Titans for free labor?" He yells.

“I would but they keep breaking things, I think hey owe me at least a million dollars at this point." I notice MS. Martian walking by. “Excuse me? Would you mind taking the Kid Flash statue to Titan's Tower?"


She gets defensive. “But I have not broken anything."

“I’ll buy you an ice cream cake."

“Joy!" She phases through the wall to the statue. Good that's done. Alfred gets the car ready, While I make a few calls, After making sure I'm not needed by the JLA, outlaws or in Gotham, I get in the car , and get ready to go to Wayne Enterprises , Joy. And yes that was sarcasm.

While in the car, Oracle calls, I'm hoping it's something that can get me out of work. No such luck. “Batman? Jason has apparently been annoying Batwoman."

“Okay what's he doing now?" I rub the temples of my head.

“Well seems he has a girlfriend, and he was asking Batwoman for um, help in um...."

I stop her “I think I get the idea Barbara. Speaking of which, when you talk dirty to Richard over the communicators make sure you are only talking to him, I caught Superboy, Blue Beetle, and The Devil Kid all listening in to you last night."

I hear a gasp over the communicator. “How long did they listen?"

“I don't know, but Conner was taking notes, and it wasn't just them, think of how many heroes have those communicators..."

“Oh my god I can't look any of them in the eyes again, I have to go."

And that was the last thing that was interesting for hours that day, board meetings, office work, phone calls, Etc, Etc. Finally I received a buzz from my secretary. “Mr. Anthony Stark is here."

I was confused for a second, "The teenager or the adult?"

"Adult sir."

“Send him in."

Stark comes looking like the cat that ate the canary.

“What does the deputy director of SHIELD Want with me?" I ask in my meekest voice possible while trying not to punch him in the jaw.

“It’s not you Mister Wayne, but you're alter ego I’m interested in."

“What?" I ask.

“I know you're Batman, you might as well quit acting, you've been annoying us with those Outlaws of yours for some time, but it ends here."

I put my finder on a button underneath my desk. “Is that so?"

"Yes I didn't come here for a fight. Normally I'd arrest you, on many charges, including child endangerment, and espionage. Besides the fact that you are a vigilante. But this is far more important."


“More important than you taking away people's liberties?" I accuse. “You and your Registration Act drafted anyone with a superpower!"

He glares. "Like you trusted them so much did you not create Brother I to watch those with Superpowers? Or do you not have many ways to defeat the Justice League in case they go rouge in your computer? Look here, the registration Act wasn't perfect, but it was the lesser of two evils heroes need training, and the Teen Titans idea doesn’t work, hell how many of them are dead now? People didn't want vigilantes with the power to burn down cities just running around. “He sighs.” But this is bigger."

“What is?"

“You should Know Bruce, Skrulls they now have superpowers, all of them."

I sigh. “I and The Outlaws did find evidence that they were experimenting with the metahuman genome, they couldn't duplicate Kryptonian, but others they were close."

“Well they've succeeded, Mister Wayne. One had the eyebeams of Cyclops, someone's fire power, and other abilities. They are going to take hew world right from under our noses unless we fight back."

“What do you propose?" I ask.

“You’re too big a resource to lock away It would be better to have Batman fighting there skrulls, than sitting in a cell. I say we pool our resources, rid the Earth of this threat, and then worry about anything else later. "

I shake his hand. “Sounds good, though I still don't like you."

“You don't have to." He smiles. “I’ve worked with USAgent so I'm used so I know people don't have to like each other to work for the common good."

The Outlaws aren't going to like this, tough, if they don't they know where the door is. After I get home I dress in my bat costume and am about to call a meeting of the JLA to brief them on the Stark situation. When this strange teenage, boy stumbles into the cave.

“Bruce I need you're help!"

“Who are you?" I yell. “How did you get into this cave?"

“Well my name's terry and I'm Batman."

Great an insane kid I'm about to throw a Batarang at him when he shows me technology more advanced than I've ever seen, And of all things it' an I pod from the future.

“I’m from another time and I've been sent to take Bruce Cain back with me."

“By Who?" I interrogate.

“By you."

Sounds like I need to hear this kid out, I'll decide if he's crazy after.

Memed by a man child.

“Alfred what is a Meme?"

“Sir I know less of the 'net than you do just as Master Dick Or Tim."

"Forget that I'm the Goddamned Batman, I'll figure it out."

“You’re going to ask Oracle aren't you Sir? Oh and the whole Goddamned thing stopped being funny long ago."

"Hh. Perhaps you are right Alfred."

Any ways I the Batman was tagged by Vegeta the immature alien man child. So I have to take time out of fighting crime in Gotham, working in the JLA, or leading the Outlaws to do this stupid Meme.


List seven random things about yourself that people may not know.Link the person who sent this to you, and leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.Post the rules on your blog.Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, linking their blog. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Hh. So that's what a meme is: annoying. Fine.

1: The reason I put my symbol on everything I own is because I have obsessive compulsive disorder.

2: I never dated Barbara Gordon that was a sick thing from that cartoon which was good until that came up. I'm not a dirty old man who likes dating his kid's girlfriends, or his friend's daughter.

3: The original Robin costume was a joke by Barry Allen; he thought Dick Grayson wouldn't wear it. He didn't know Dick was an exhibitionist even then. Still not sure what was going on with the pixie boots.


4: Despite what some may say Superman is my best friend. And human shield it's how I've lived so long in the JLA.

5: I have pretty much everything in my belt. Batarangs, Bat matches Bat tooth picks,Bat Shark repellent, Bat Breath mints, etc. You would be surprised how often I use the Bat shark repellent.

6: I believe in magic I just don't like it.

7: I know who Batwoman is. I just don't know what she thinks she's doing. I'm the billionaire with issues and the bat gimmick in Gotham, not her.

Now to tag. Since I have to suffer through why not the rest of the Bat family?

1 Nightwing
2Robin
3 and 4 Red Robin, and because I hate him Iron Man.
5 and 6 Batgirl,and Spoiler.
7 And finally because he lets Kon post on his blog more often than he does. Superman.

Azreal

Nightwing is back to normal. Which is one less thing I have to worry about, also it makes Supergirl easier to deal with. Now I've decided To track Down Jean Paul Valley.

He's been running around disrupting My operations. First pretending to be me and stalking Vampirella, Second in messing with Cassandra, now he angers Wolverine and sets him against me. Which just made Azreal priority #1.

It's not like he's excactly hiding from me. In Fact he's been running around Gotham in that stupid armored Batman suit of his that makes it look as if I've had a bastard offspring with Optimius Prime.

He was trying to kill a bunch of gangsters. I make my my dramatic entrance.

"Azreal! It's time for a reckoning!" I kick him away from the criminals.

“Actually, I'd like you to leave my City. You're a has -been, I'm a lot better Batman than you'll ever be W.... Ungh" I hit him in the face with a Batarang. I'd rather he not blurt out my secret identity.

I always wonder if I shouldn't pull and Iron Man and wipe out my ID from the brains of the people that already know it. No if I do one thing that Stark did it wouldn't be long before I find my self Fighting with Superman and trying to lock him in a Phantom Zone Prison.

Valley shoots a grappling hook uses it to climb up a building, I do the same so glad that random celebrities don't pop out of the windows anymore, do you know how many criminals got away while Me , and Robin (Richard) were talking to Don Knotts? Grr.


When to get to the top of the building, I'm assailed by little batarangs from his gauntlets. They all are deflected by body armor but they make a little clanging noises . my ears are going to be ringing for weeks.

“Those aren't batarangs Valley this is a batarang. " I throw one that explodes cracking his armor open in a specific place. He comes at me with those and spikes (Ugh 90'S Costume designs.) Screaming “You’re not Batman! Batman doesn't tell jokes!"

Oh Sure Spider-Man tells them, and no one seems to care. But me or Superman tell them we're out of character we were using the snappy dialogue while Spider-man was just noticing girls. "

My apparent change in personality infuriates Valley. “Grayson! You're a pretender! What happened to Wayne?"

I dodge another claw and throw a control chip into his armor. Then I start acting like my self “It’s me Jean Paul."

I push a button on my belt and his armor freezes. “What how?" He shouts.

" You built your armor in my Cave, and you left the blueprints though I could have gotten what I needed from the security footage of you building it, Now what is this about?"

“You accepted Cassandra, and Jason back into your little family but you never even looked for me after I was "killed".”

I'm a little taken aback. “Jason was my adopted son, and Cassandra was drugged, also while I never officially adopted her I did take in Cassandra as my daughter. They are both teenagers. You're a grown man Valley; I thought if you vanished it was your choice. Well that And I haven't really accepted Jason back."

He laughs bitterly. “Please he's calling himself 'Red Robin.' It doesn't take a genius to know he's your mole in SHIELD."

That does sound like something I’d do... “So what is this, a bid for attention Valley? Act your age."

“The System it tells me to do things. I can't stop it.

So that's it the brainwashing he's had ever since he was a child is affecting him again .All this was some kind of call for help.

“I’ll contact some a deprogrammer I know, that is if you're really serious about coming back, but I want you mentally healthy."

He agreed he also agreed to never dress as Batman again. I paid for him a ticket to fly to a psychiatric hospital. Glad that's over now to enact my plan to capture the serial killer Rishou.

Wolverine is a bigger waste of space than I first thought.

The Outlaws are busy taking down Weapon X. They seem to be able to handle it. So I decide it's time to go down to the Batcave and do some research on this Serial killer Shi is after. Unfortunately I'm greeted by this. Disgusting I keep telling them to leave that in West City. Also what is that thing in the corner going "woot" ? Looks like I need to fumigate the Cave again. Well there's only one response to that, give Robin two hours extra training for introducing Vincent to Cassandra.

The problem he'll take out on Superboy giving him extra training for no reason, then Superman Will come here all mad, then again that will at least get him out of the funk he's been in lately. I'm supposed to be the brooding one dammit.

“Vincent! Go home!" I order in my authoritative voice.

After grunting a little, he finally leaves. Oracle whispers in Cassandra's ear. "How many times did I tell you not to make out here the Boss can see?"

“Richard!” I yell "You're training with Batgirl today."

“But holy chivalry Batman! She's a girl!"

" Yes I think that's why she's called Batgirl." I respond.

They go up to the ring and start sparring. I'm hoping that this will jog some of Richard's memories , or maybe at least some of his advanced fight training will instinctually come back to save him from Cassandra's onslaughts.

I hear a lot of girlie screaming I turn and Cass has him in a triangle choke. Well that isn't working so far, but I should let the fight go for another fifteen minutes and see if any sign of Nightwing ever shows itself.

Before I can observe anymore an alarm goes off and the Bat Computer shows me camera footage of Wolverine cutting down some penguin thugs and calling me out. Sigh. I forgot all about him and his little emotional breakdown.

Not that I usually involve myself in mutant pathos, but this is effecting my strike team and their abilities, so I'd better go see Logan and let him know that his paranoia about me and Ana is unfounded.


I drive the Batmobile to the scene. Yes I'm finally buying gas for it, my other mode of transportation the Whirly -Bat was ... well just stupid. It’s petty much a lawn chair with a propeller on it. Though Alfred is still refusing to fill it. Luckily I have one of the Teen Titans do it now. I've finally found a use for them: manual labor.

I drive into Logan to catch his attention, I wonder which titan I'll force to buff out the claw marks in the paint job? Beast Boy looked pretty lazy last time I saw him.

Anyway I announce. “Logan I don't batarang your enemies please don't mutilate mine."

He jumps me.

Not that I didn't expect this. I throw a batrang that explodes and covers him in powder. he falls on the ground rolling around. “What the flamin' hell is this crap? AAAGH!"

" Itching powder.” I let a smile come over my face for a second. “I know your healing factor will fix you up soon enough, but listen to me you idiot I am not dating Shi. I was recruiting her for my strike team that's all we're only professional. Use your senses you can tell I'm telling the truth."

He gets up and stares at Me." yeah but maybe ya can fool my senses?"

" Possibly," I shrug. “But why would I? I have been dating Wonder Woman. I'd rather not be knocked from Gotham to New Jersey thank you very much."

He glares. “Yeah I do smell 'er on ya. Dammit! I've been suckered."

“By who?" I question.

“I dunno some punk I ain't ever heard Azreal or somethin' He sent me pictures of you and Ana."

Jean Paul! That's it! He's had a beating coming to him for along time now. It's time for me to give it to him. “You should know not to trust pictures in the age of Photoshop."

“Yeah, I guess bub, maybe I was just lookin' fer a reason to breakup with Ana." he growls.

" Why?" I have to say the way Logan looks, and smells he was lucky to get Ana and not dating his hand.

“They all die on me bub, either from old age, or slaughtered by someone."

Well that I can understand, though more often in my case they go crazy, or evil. “Someone once told me not to be afraid of Death so much that I stop living."

Logan shakes his head. “Who told ya that?"

"Superman, though he was exposed to a color of Kryptonite that made him act as if he was drunk at the time."

He laughs. “Drunken boy scout I'd pay to see that."

"Hh. It's not as amusing it sounds. “I have no idea what Logan decided to do about the whole Shi thing, but since he left Gotham without more incidents it's none of my business any more. When I return to the Cave I find Richard still getting beaten.

“Oracle? Why are they still sparring? it's been much longer than fifteen minutes."

“Oh really I hadn't noticed.” She gives an evil grin. I'm thinking this has something to do with Barbara's relationship with Nightwing I decide it's better not to pry, and tell Cass to take a break.

I notice she left an envelope on the conference table with something scrawled on it. I open it and see.


I have never wanted to see her like... that. I look at the envelope and again and finally decipher the scrawl as "for Vince." Fine. Robin gets five hours extra training for introducing those two. Also there’s that thing again. I’m defiantly getting the cave fumigated.

I'm back.

I've returned to a madhouse. First All these Titans running around ... Ugh I'm beginning to think I should just go ahead and pay for a new tower. Miss martian Going “Oooh! That's a bad thought!" Every time I walk by is annoying at best, And thinking of ways to relieve the Joker of his teeth are not bad thoughts.

I'm getting a little tired of Ravager stealing my weapons and Alfred's liquor.Oh And Kon-El Being well Kon-El. The incident with the interdimensional rodents was just the most recent goof up. That all the others are just plain irritating especially Wondergirl. I should talk to Diana about her sometime.

Also I don't know what's up with Jason. When I left he was wearing a leather jacket and calling himself "Red Hood." I come back he's wearing this and calling and calling himself "Red Robin." I don't know if he got that idea from a dream or what.

And the other two Robins Are having a fit over him calling himself a robin, I had to save the both of them from Jason's crowbar twice today. Later on I teamed up woth Superman to defeat The Prankster, and the puzzler,

Actually we really didn't need to team up for that, it was an excuse to hang out at a coffe shop later and trade war stories, because well both Prankster and Puzzler are what Tim calls "lame".

Then I have to deal with Shi's boyfriend issues. Apparently Wolverine believes we are dating for some reason, I have to say though Diana is enough woman for any man, I have no need to cheat on her. The whole Bruce Wayne playboy act as always been that , an act.

Any way I wanted him to help with a mission to Weapon X. Seems he's too full of himself to see the truth. I think I'll have a talk with him after this all blows over. So I've sent Shi to Weapon X, Along with a certain Victor Sage AKA The Question. I

Also Supergirl keeps screaming at me to put Richard at his right age, problem being I'm not really sure how he was turned eight in the first place, I've looked through his appointment books since before his change, and I have no clue there. All his appointments seem to be with superhero women. One for that younger daughter of Vegeta, Sigh, Richard at least wait until she's eighteen. The twenty year old one I kind sort of understand, but this Best not to think about it. He was supposed to meet her At a building in between Gotham and west City, I found some interesting particle traces there, Maybe I have found something To return Richard to Nightwing.


But you know with all these problems at least it's not boring, like that Vacation ws. What was I thinking? Water skiing and a mystery train? Water skiing was way too easy, and can I help it that I solved the mystery on the train in one minute. The writers and the actors made it way to obvious.

So now The Mystery Train Company says I have an "attitude problem." They should see Hawkman now that's an attitude problem. Ah Gotham, why did I ever leave you? I missed the madmen, insane deathtraps and bickering sidekicks, its true what they say there's no place like home.

Batgirl: Stupid Misfit

What did I um... Do to Babs? She made me ...um take Misfit with me on patrol of Gotham. I like... patrolling.. gotham. It's good practice... for when I take over for Batman... Maybe I'll have Vincent be my Robin. Or... my Catman (Because he's not a woman.) Though... Vince wearing the Tiny Robin shorts...


“Mistress Cassandra!"

“Um Yes Alfred?"

“If you want me to continue to type this for you could please refrain from making me write things that put disturbing images in my mind?"

“Okay."

Anyway...I try to sneak up on the Mad Hatter... And Misfit starts talking. " You date a saiyan? Why? Is it true what they say about their tails? What's with that hair? Why does it change colors is it like a mood ring?"

Mad Hatter got away because... this ... um...kid... Talking warned him we were there.

I find him again... After beating up some thugs... Misfit does the same.. thing. “Why do you get to be Batgirl? I should be Batgirl! I'm the redhead, you have black hair."

As Mad Hatter gets away again. She says. “Wow you really suck at catching bad guys."

What would Batman do? I can only think of one thing... I knock her out with a Batarang in the back of the head. She'll heal up and find me... so I tie her.. up .. and hope she's too dumb to teleport.

Finally... I track down ... And catch Mad Hatter. When I get back... to the cave Barbra yells at me for ... for knocking out Misfit... Now I have monitor duty... Robin laughs at me.


“If you... Don’t stop laughing... I will tell Steph you sleep with a night light."

Robin gets all mad “Do not!"

“Do to!"

“Do not!"

"Ahem!" I hear behind me. I turn...


Yay! Bruce is back!

My new team's first mission is done.

Okay seems Connor Hawke isn't dead, he 's in a coma what can I say? I tune Ollie out when he's talking to me . Especially when he accuses me of protecting Time travelers I don't really like all that much.

My team has ferreted out a Skrull infiltration on SHIELD. Seems they were using The Military organization’s resources to create an army of Meta humans that would help them in their invasion. I gave this information of where the other labs are to The other Super groups.

And SHIELD as well, though I gave it to them anonymously. So all the labs will have SHIELD been destroyed by now, and whatever the Skrulls are planning has taken a crippling blow.


I should be helping the JLA with whatever they're doing in all of this, but I think it's high time I do something I haven't done in a long time. Leave the city to my sidekicks for a few days, (which is why I have so many of them.) And take a little time off.