My stalker

Nightwing thinks he has it bad. He has two stalkers. Clark's smitten cousin. Supergirl

And Flamebird who used to be the first Bat-Girl, before Barbara Gordon.


Me well yes I have had my share of stalkers. Katherine Kane The First Batwoman, Aunt to Flame bird, and related to the new Batwoman Kate Kane.

Of Course Ex girlfriends like Catwoman, and Talia Al Ghul would come back every once in awhile. But then next one well bothers me a little, Hush.

Yes the villain that that Spoiler calls "Trench coat Mummy". He was a kid who I was friends with as a kid, until my parents were shot, and I began my crusade. He was creepy as a kid, Tommy Elliott was creepy as a kid, and he's creepier now.

He first became a villain when he pulled the old “Send every villain after me then face me when I'm weakened “gag. For a while I thought he was just another super villain with a grudge.

Until recently when we fought I felt that old creepy vibe again. He would call all the women I'd been with “whores" And saying they weren't good enough for me. Then he'd start reciting poetry. At this point I almost miss Poison Ivy.

But what he did lately really took the cake. He had plastic surgery to look like me.


Now he wants to take over my life and "be" me. Oh yes like Superman, or Wonderwoman or many others wouldn't notice that. Sigh I never thought I'd say this: I miss the days of Batwoman.

Jason Todd/RedHood rumble in Gotham

I was having a nice time... Rubbing my girlfriend's smooth legs while convincing her to get nude... Vel got her stop off when freaking Damian comes in, breaking the window.

“Kid what are you doing at the Bat's safe hose."



The kid gives me a snotty look. “I’m telling father you're cavorting with a gutter skank in his house you zombie!"

Cavorting? The brat's been around Alfred too long. “Hey!" Vella protests. “I’m a princess! I'm not some ho he picked up... I actually pursued him... and what are you staring at?"


I slap my forehead "Vella put on your shirt. You've probably jump started the Son of Satan's puberty."


She uses her ring to recreate her costume." Um Why are you still staring at me... hey Jason I'll se you later he's really creeping me out. Bye!" She flies in out the window... While I'm feeling... blue if you get my drift.

“What do you want you little C-blocker?" I growl.

“What’s a C-blocker?"

" Never mind, Bruce is probably going to kick my ass for you seeing Vella's melons I don't wanna get in more trouble so again why are you here?

Tim was chasing me around with a butterfly net... I came here until father returns I didn't know my zombie older brother and his freak girlfriend where here."

“Yeah you thought she was a freak when you were drooling over her half naked body weren't you? And I'm not a zombie!"

“You were dead and buried weren't you?" He grins “if you're not a zombie then what are you?"



" Well you see Superboy Prime hit a wall somewhere..."

I just realized how stupid that sounds... "It was magic okay."

We glare at each other. “Well since I'm not getting laid tonight I might as well get into a fight. SHIELD is after me wanna help me warn 'em off?"

“What’s getting laid?" he questions.

"Gah! Go on the internet or ask your friends or something."

Anyway a little later Red X is on the prowl.

And as predicted he's jumped by the Black Widow. She fights him pretty well but I think she notices the difference in his fighting style.

I laugh from the opposite roof “you got suckered! That’s my little brother is wearing lifts... I'm right here! You could beat one of us Natasha... but both of us I don't think so. You don't have to do this I registered so I'm not outside the law."

“Your little gang war was outside the law Nick wants me to bring you in!"

“Uh huh that’s not going to happen. So you can leave or I'll send your head to Fury in a duffel bag. "

She shoots one of these Widow's bite things. My body armor protects me and Damian jumps her from behind I told her she couldn't beat us both She tosses off the brat and I throw a punch at her jaw. She rolls with this but the glancing blow does still makes her see stars.

While she's trying to get her bearings Damian shoulder blocks her under the knee. She pulls a gun I shoot it out of her hand with mine. “Nice try Comarade." I put my gun to her head. “Any last words not in Russian?"


“Nick would never let you live after this."

“He should have thought of that before sending you after me ... he could have just left well enough alone but noooo."

Before I pull the trigger a disk with a bird on it knocks the gun out of my hand. Wonderful; "Red Robin" again.

Man Vella was right that costume is ugly. “So are you some alternate Earth me? Or just some douche who found my old costume in a dumpster, and decided to be a thrift store superhero?"

He doesn't talk but I can smell the dumpster on the costume man really wash the thing. “Red X This one is mine!" I order not that it matters... he was staring at Black Widow's chest. Sigh Batman is gonna kill me.

I take out the only good thing that Tim Drake gave me... the unbreakable crowbar.


Red Robin blocks the hit swing I hear a crack when it hits his wrist. “Surprised this thing can break the body armor huh?" Well here get more surprised." I slam
It into his ribs he falls gasping for breathe.

“I pick up my gun “Alright let's finish this."

“Do we have to kill this one?" Damian asks staring at Natasha.

“Yes, she betrays everyone her own country every guy she's been with Fury will thank me for this."

Next a Batarang knocks the gun out of my hand “Oh come on! Okay Tim you wanna fight... Oh Shit!"




Batman I'm too shocked to put up a fight before Batman throws a hard punch in my jaw. “I told you no killing, Red Hood."

“Are we in trouble father?" Damien asks.

“Yes you are. Widow! You tell Fury I'll take care of Red Hood, and to keep his spies out of my city."

Bruce chews me out after I wake up back at the cave. “It’s obvious you've been looking for attention since you left SHIELD, maybe even before. Fine you have my attention, Now you pay attention to me killing solves nothing Nightwing tried to kill the Joker, yet he's back out there causing chaos.

“Nightwing ... avenged me? And the Joker came back?"

I should have known Richard was cool with me as Robin.

But if the Joker can come back... then what I'm doing is as useless as Batman.

Batman growls, “if you want back in you have to stop killing."

“I’ll think about it." I snort. Yeah the problem is I really will have to think about it.

Batgirl:Leading is tough

I um, hate talking into ... this thing. But I can only read a few words. Everyone thinks I'm trying ... to stop Slade out of revenge. It's not that. I don't like what he did to... Ravager. She was never my friend. We don't get along. But I don't want her controlled like ... I was. No one deserves that.

We just beat some of Slade's Society friends. Including a now evil Mary Marvel.

Vincent grins... “Babe. I think it's a trap." I can tell by his body language that he is uh excited at the fight that will come. People wonder why Tim ... introduced us. I think Tim knew I'd like Vincent.


I ignore him can't think about him... now the mission comes first... like Bruce taught me. “So how are we getting to the New York to Penthouse to find Slade?" I ask.


Inertia pips up “I can be there in a second."


Iron Lad growls. “Yeah so you can warn your buddy The Terminator that we're coming no thanks."

"I don't owe One Eye nothin' Iron Wimp!" Thad spits.

“Stop fighting!" I order. Do my older brothers Dick and Tim have to go through this mess... with the Outsiders, and Titans?"

"I got a jet in my pocket." Vincent smiles.

My best friend Spoiler goes" Eeew! Really don't share things like that!"

“Not what I mean Stephanie." He shakes his head, and takes a small metal capsule out of his pocket he pushes a button, throws it into a clearing, and it becomes a huge plane. “Welcome aboard Air Briefs."



As we're flying. Vince and Vella make fun of their nephew. Iron Lad flies, the plane Inertia paces all nervous He doesn't like not running... I wonder if all speedsters are like this.

Stephanie wanders up to me. “Is this worth it?"

“Huh?" I ask.

“Rose Wilson has been nothing more than a thorn in both of our sides. She's constantly flirting with my boyfriend. Hell she brags he beat you once, even though you beat her once too."


I shrug. “Neither one of us was ourselves in our fights... Steph we've both had problems with our dads. Would you want someone to help you If Cluemaster did this to you?"

“Yeah but it's not our thing Cass. Rose is not our responsibility."

“I know your scared ... of Slade." I state.


“Okay a little, but I also don't give a damn about pirate girl. We have our own city to protect why're we doing this?"

“You can leave... Stephanie. No one will blame you." I say.


She sighs. “I’ll blame my self."

The rest of the way is silent. When we get to the pent house Slade was waiting on us. He babbled on about... how his drug brought out my true nature, and how I won’t tear apart his family. I only have one answer for him.



At that minute Match, Enigma, Evil Wondergirl Clone, Ravager, Sungirl, and a bunch of ninjas attack. Of course it was a trap...

I'm not crazy ( well no more than usual)

I know I've been running around Gotham in this extremely ugly costume.

And yes I know I look like a crayon box threw up on me. You see I ... this is so embarrassing... I lot a bet. Superman bet me he could not only eat 10 gallons of ice cream in five seconds with out a brain freeze.

I was sure he wasn't invulnerable to brain freeze. Hh I hate being wrong. So now I have to run around Gotham in that hideous outfit. Where did Superman get this idea? A red, purple, and yellow Batman costume? Ugh.

What's worse I no longer strike fear in the superstitious cowardly criminals. They laugh. Okay I've come to expect that from the Joker, but not normal thugs. Okay I admit I beat them a little harder than maybe I should now, but being laughed at is new, and annoying.

I also have Robin running after me ranting. “You’re crazy Batman! I must bring you down!"

I know you go through a lot Tim. I know Marvin, and Wendy your janitors or whatever they are were eaten by some kind of Greek Myth monster dog. That doesn't mean you have to take it out on me.

Wait a minute a call is coming in.

“Hey Batman." Superman smiles on the communicator screen.

“I’m not betting with you again. You'd probably have me in a pink tutu or something. “I growl." Why can't you bet for money like normal people?"


“I’m the man that has everything" He grins. “Embarrassing you is more fun anyway but all things have to come to an end. The allotted time for the bet is over you can go back to your regular costume."

I let a grin come over my face, and drive back to the Batcave breaking a few land speed records


Ah much better. Moral of the story is don't bet with Superman.

Family squabbles

The Riddler sent me a note by way of Commissioner Gordon. You see he's on my side now, but instead of a calling me, and telling me where a crime will happen he still sends me riddles. Idiot.

So I pretty much have this solved when the kids start yelling in the Bat Cave. “You did it Cass! Admit it!"

"Nuh- uh!"

"Nightwing's right you did to!"

“No!"


Grahhh! Stupid sidekicks! Why is Nightwing even here anyway? I go down to the cave to find all three of them fighting.

“Stop this now!" I order." What's going on?"

“Cass stole all the cookies! That Alfred baked!" Robin yells.

“I did not! They were just gone ...a second after I ... saw them."

I shake my head." Hh. Let's take a look at the scene of the crime."

The only sign I found of the cookies in question was one that was half eaten. I take something out of my belt. “Cassandra take a bite out of this."

“Um...why?" She takes a look at it." It’s gooey." She bites it any way.

“It’s to make a dental impression Cass. I compare the impression to the cookie. “From this impression I can safely say Batgirl didn't bite this cookie, and that she needs to floss more."

“Who did?" Nightwing asks.

All of the sudden Bat-Mite appears in front of all of us.

Why? Why does this freak stalk me? I wonder if I can get a restraining order from 5th dimensional imps?

“Hey bat crew!' he announces.

Cassandra answers with “you’re ugly."

“This coming from a girl that wears a full face mask?"

“Want to borrow...it? You need it more than I do." She responds. Since when does she does she make cracks? Not really a bad one either."


Wing what's wrong?"

Oh great he's having a flashback to the last time Bat-Mite appeared to him when he was Robin.

What was worse was Wally "Kid Flash” West yelling "get a room!"

“Aww he missed me." Bat-Mite smiles. “And we can all have fun adventures all the time! Now what are some silly old cookies compared to having me around all the time?"

The kids look at each other for a second then yell “get him!" simultaneously. As they start beating him I turn away.

" Bruce help!" The weirdo begs.

“No." I respond simply. “Alfred if you don't mind can you bake another batch of cookies? And maybe clean up the mess after the kids are done with Bat-Mite."

“Very good sir." And he made some kind of remark about "pests” and” bug spray."

Bat-Mite shrieks “My spleen!" before vanishing

Dick yells “keep your hands to yourself!" To the smoke.

Hh. I should look into getting some kind of Bat-Mite repellant. I mean I have Shark repellant; at least I could actually have a use for Bat- Mite repellant.

Saiyans...

I was doing pretty well without saiyans. In fact the last few days were pretty good except for Nightwing finding his birthday present early.

Then that Justice girl appears in Gotham. Seems Cassandra had told her that I could give her advice. Though she made some comment about me creating protocols against Galen.

"I'm a man who walks among gods, I have to be prepared."

“How would you feel if someone had thought of ways to beat up Wonder Woman?"

“I already have protocols against her as well." I state. Her eyes widen in shock." Aw to be young and naive again. As long as Galen doesn't become mind controlled you have nothing to worry about, you may think his tech is some mysterious force but he's still human still has weaknesses never mind what do want?"


Tells me about alien soldiers killing innocents.

“And you’re supposed to be their symbol?"

She nods.

“Then you cannot allow this to continue I created Batman to be a symbol not just for fear of criminals, but also for normal people to feel safe. That's why I put down anyone who wears it, and kills unless you want your legacy to be one of atrocities you need to nip this in the bud now."

She nods. “You know Cass is right about you." Then she leaves I wonder what she meant by that. I put it out of my head, and swing over towards City Hall to talk to Jim Gordon.

Before I get there I'm jumped by another saiyan.

" Hahahaha! Once I beat you the girl will be mine!"

I have no idea what he's talking about, and I don't really care I don't particularly feel like be being beaten today. I throw a batarang in his face; it explodes throwing pepper spray in his eyes.

While he's growling I use a hyper sonic device to knock him off balance. Then while his ears, and eyes are incapacitated. I put on my adamantium gloves and hit him in the groin first.

Hey don't knock fighting dirty. It's one of the reasons I've survived all these super villains. I punch him a few more times for good measure, and turn when I hear a mocking laughter.

It was Vegeta. He didn't attack just flew off. I get the feeling this was a set up of some kind.

Any way I get home after helping Gordon take down a drug ring. Oddly led by Kool-Aid. Yeah one of my stranger nights. I'm just glad Batmite didn't show up.

Diana pulls me out of bed around noon. “What? Corn Chips!" I respond must have been dreaming.

"Bruce did you forget we were going to meet with Jason's girlfriend today."

I rub my eyes. “Just what I need another scowling angry saiyan."

Diana grins “you should get along just fine then."

“Ha ha." I respond sarcastically.

“You don't need to worry if you had actually paid attention the first couple of times you met her you'd realize she's different than the others."

At lunch I see what she means.

“Oh like wow! Wonder Woman! You are like my hero!"

“We’ve met before Vella." She laughs.

“Yeah but this isn't an end of the world thing I can't believe I'm eating lunch with Wonder Woman!"

Jason slaps his force head. “What did I say about being hyper?"

"Oh hush Jason. Um... this may sound stupid but Wonder Woman can I have your autograph?"

It got odder, and odder she didn't say "bah!" once and was actually laughing in a non evil way, and making jokes.

I whisper " Are you sure your Vegeta's daughter?"

“Hee hee yup!" I watch as she fixes a cell phone. What's stranger is Jason was actually acting civil for once. After the lunch was over Diana smiles. “Did not tell you so or didn't I?"

"Yes, she’s smart, happy, attractive, and nothing like any saiyan I've met thought there is a rumor that that Goku one acts something like that without the intelligence. You know what this means?"

She beams. “I think so."

“Jason is going to screw this up."

Killed by the Hulk

I was crushed by the Hulk on Hacknor, trying to help out that idiot Conner Kent. Hn. All that, and he lost and was kicked off that stupid game. I woke up and in some regeneration machine with Private Hudson staring at me.

“Wow! Batman is... um who are you again?"

“This isn't real it's only a dream." I tell him.

“Oh yeah... I need to stop eating pizza before bed." He moans.

That was easy; I'd better put on my mask before someone else sees me without it. I use the transporter back to Earth then I return to Gorham, where Alfred decides to play mother hen.

“Master Bruce you were crushed you need to take it easy for a few days, perhaps brag about The Dark Knight's success?"

" Hn. Alfred I'm not Stark. Besides Robin, and Jason are is missing... I need to find them."

“You need to relax after such an experience sir, not beating up muggers that are way too stressful."

Staying here is what's stressful. At least the Titans are gone looking for Robin like I should be doing. Maybe this won't be so bad... what the? Damn it Cassandra put some clothes on!

That's it! I'm off to beat muggers, and whoever asks me what I’ve done to desrve the Steakhouse Burger that's how I relive stress after that I'm finding Both Robins, The lost one, and the good one.