Tuesday, February 16, 2010

sidekicks are annoying

Of course the problems I've been having with Jason AKA the Red Hood are pretty well known. He got into a fight with Dick Grayson, and convinced him that the body that Darkseid left behind during the Final Crisis was the real me, and I'm a clone.

In some odd failure of mental prowess on Dick's thought he believed Jason, I mean is is really so hard to believe I was tossed back in time by Darkseid's beams and had to live different lives through out time? Hn, come to think of it I wouldn't believe me either.

Either way dick tossed the body into a Lazarus Pit, and lo and behold it's the clone. and completely insane as well how insane? It did this.

Please sing " Batman is Bruce Wayne" a little louder, I'm sure someone in Star City hasn't heard it yet. So I've been spending the last few days like this.

Fighting a Batman clone , but since Diana was off fighting an insane Cupid the only thing I would have done on Valentine's Day is brood around the cave, and listen to Batgirl, and Spoiler complain, about men while watching Twilight Brrr.

Poor Alfred is still in the fetal position, after one hour of that. So the battle with the me clone was a blessing in disguise.Speaking of Batgirl, and Spoiler lately Cassandra has been letting Stephanie fill in for her on patrols normally that wouldn't be a problem except for she wears this...

Somehow wearing a Batgirl costume makes her IQ go down a few points since she blows up more buildings than Red Hood, the bad part is Red Hood tries to blow up the buildings Stephanie blows them up, along with herself, and and any criminals, and police officers at the scene on accident.

Then there's this...

That's just wrong. Also she likes to piss off Tim evrey once in a while by wearing her Robin costume.

Speaking of Tim last time I saw him he was babbling about " No one dies again" and clones I had better actually follow up on that... but for right there are reports of my clone in Gotham Square, and he has a microphone.So I'm going to have to try , and capture him again.

Thursday, February 4, 2010


I don't know what kind of drugs she's on....

Whatever they are she really needs to stop taking them to start thinking she's me is really going to get her hurt one day, or me having to give an awkward explanation to Commissioner Gordon. Hh Maybe she needs to visit Arkham for a month or two. Probaly not she'd probably come out thinking she's the Joker one of him is too much

Why does evreyone want to steal my identity? Probably as something to do with me dating Wonder Woman...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Winter Festivels hn

I was looking for clues on where Jason might have escaped to... and also following up clues on the ID of the New Black Mask... but instead of doing any of this... Diana wants me to go to some stupid winter festival the amazons are having. I just finished with New Years, and Christmas, and having to be around Dick , Damien, Tim and Cassandra's constant bickering, and pranks on one another.

Now Diana drags me to another party literally. I have to reassess the intelligence of dating Wonder Woman. I notice Clark isn't here, but of course if he doesn't want to go somewhere he can pretend there's an emergency, and fly off in space until the event ends.

Lucky farmboy.

I had overheard Amazons making fun of me insinuating that I couldn't get anything done without Oracle, Batgirl , and Spoiler. Oracle, and Batgirl, are professionals, but Spoiler, can't open a can of orange juice without blowing something up.

I'm the Dark night Detective, The Caped Crusader, I can protect Gotham by myself if need be, and I'm also very modest.

Wonder Woman keeps trying to get Wonder girl, and the saiyan girl Vella to make up... I keep thinking that I want to lob a Batarang, at her twin brother, especially the way he's touching Cassandra ,in public.

I fight that urge, and walk past Wonder Girl who’s' saying “You were my friend, why'd you try to steal Conner?"

“I thought we could you know... share him, I wasn’t trying to steal him." Vella answers. “I roll my eyes. As Super hormone Boy looks like he's about to explode at the thought. Then Wonder girl has a strange look on her face and says something about "experimenting." “And if Conner's good maybe we'll let him in on it."

Cnner Kent is then drooling to to this The oblivious Saiyan says I like experiments. Welll unless they blow up, and mess up your clothes. or give you new superpowers that you have yto figure out how they work..."

Some dark haired girl about the same age who for some reason reminds me of the X-man Wolverine replies. “That is not the kind of experiments she is talking about."

“Really Laura what is she talking about?"

‘Laura’ growls "Yer parents really should have taught you not to be so flamin' naive."

This is why I'm glad there was no superhero teen teams when I was their age. It was mostly just Clark playing Superboy, and that was pretty much it. I leave behind the teen age soap opera and try to follow a hunch. I was thinking if Vella was here, then Jason could be , and if he is I can take him down, and end his killing spree.

Since regular prison can't hold him, I have a nice cell in the Batcave waiting for him. find the former Robin looking at some kind of food as if tying to decide if it's edible. I attack.
The Amazons grab us, pull us apart, and shake their heads. “We should have known better than to let men on the island. Now we will make them wear the hats of shame!"

I don't like the hats of shame. Had to wear that for the rest of the time I was on Paradise Island, and of course Jason got away. Reason # 196 I don't like leaving Gotham.

Monday, November 30, 2009

The Red Hood: Slaying the Slayer final part.

Continued fromhere.

The Punisher is a moron. I like to case a bad guy's lair and come up with a plan to take him out. Punisher well he runs in firing guns like an idiot.

And of course we get attacked by security robots. I actually take the things out by tossing explosive batrangs at them. He just sprays bullets around, I'm not even sure he hits any.

I dodge or disarm all the traps, and finally I break into the final door to his lair. Punisher shoots things. And at last Heroslayer stands before us.

“Ah Red Hood, and Punisher, let me..."

“No don't!" I interrupt. “He’ll bore us with a long drawn out villain speech!" We bothe fire our guns at the psycho villain.

He fired some weird laser gun thing at us. We both dodged, and hid behind a computer.

“You should both join me!" Hero Slayer shouts. " You're both rejected by the heroes because of your violent tendencies. They hate you I'll accept you!"

“Are you coming on to us?" I quip. “Because to tell the truth I've had better offers. But seriously does anyone ever join you when you ask them that?"

The Punisher just tosses a grenade over to towards Heroslayer's cover he leaps out like a grass hopper. He gets right in our firing range until he runs over to some compute r console, and starts bragging.

“My automated defense systems will cut you into ribbons." he presses the buttons, and nothing happens.

I smile ( not that anyone can see it under the hood.) “My sidekick Scarlet snuck around while you were busy with us, and took care of your little systems."

Then he comes at me, and knocks me down with one of my little sister Cassandra's moves. He then Takes down Punisher with One of Captain America's techniques. What is this guy the Taskmaster all of the sudden?

Then he makes a mistake and tells us how he's doing it. I bought technology from Prometheus I can download all the fighting styles of the best!"

Problem for him is Baman has fought Prometheus a lot and well he has a trick against him One that he gave me when I was playing "the good son" for a while there. I take out of my belt, and push the button.

“Why am I hitting myself?" He shouts.

" Because With this doo hickey I re wrote all the info you have on martial artists, in has been replaced with the movements of the crazy homeless guy outside my place which is why you're now pissing yourself.

it wasn't sporting me, and the Punisher to shoot him while he was fending off imaginary bees but who cares? He's dead either way. We then blow up the base, and burn the body. Hey don't want him coming back.

I patted, The Punisher on the shoulder “Hey you don't do well with the battle banter,but that ended well."

" You talk too much." he says simply before jumping in his van and leaving me, and Scarlt out in the middle of no where, we didn't stay there long though since Batman popped up.

" I gave you every chance Jason, and now you've killed again. You leave me no choice you're going down!"

I didn't see Robin there, at first until he beat Scarlet, a lot of confusing stuff happened, Somehow Scarlet escaped, that mask melded to her face fell off, and me, I woke up in Blackgate Prison.

I stayed for a few weeks deciding to let my bruises heal, and well there were some incidents like a neo Nazi who tried to recruit me will have to eat through a straw for the rest of his life. His buddies who tried to shank me in the shower will never walk again the should be more careful

Just like my cell mate who tried to make me his girlfriend, he ended up hung in our cell I have no idea how his face looks it went though a meat grinder. I mean those were all accidents, But I ended up in solitary.

Okay yeah I beat them all and killed that one guy I admit it. When I escaped none of the prisoners hassled me, on my way out they probably glad to be rid of me. I got my costume , and my weapons, and In a way I'm not going to tell anyone got off Blackgate Island , and back in Gotham.

I thought I was home free, until this green light shines in my face. "Oh great." I mutter to my self. “My Super Ex Girlfriend."

“Jason we need to talk... what's with the red hair?"

"I was just dying it black I always was a red head." I shrug.

“Okay never mind Jason, we're going to have along talk." She gives me a stern look

Crap she's probably going to put back in Black gate or the Vault, or some space prison , she likely figured out that emerald necklace I got her for her birthday was taken from a mob boss. Maybe I can seduce my way out of this? Damn it I'm screwed.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Red Hood: Slaying the Slayer part 1

Well things have gotten pretty much worse but at least I have my own place. yeah I've been stealing money from crooks ,and have a nice set up. The only problem is Damien keeps popping up here. Probably to steal weapons worse yet now Spoiler is here.

" You know why you're going after Heroslayer don't you?" She mocks.

“Yeah no one will actually kill the bastard, in fact all everyone else is doing is fighting Black Lantern zombies. He's tried to kill my little sister twice now he won't get another chance."

" No You're doing it because you wuv Vella." She laughs.

I groan at the non- word, “I do not!"

“How come you have a poster sized picture of her over your weapons huh?" Spoiler points.

“To say to my friends hey I hit that!" I explain.

She snorts “You don't have any friends."

Sigh how do I get rid of this pest? I could shoot her... but no she's a good guy just like other superheroes she's delusional about killing I tried their way for a little while I couldn't do it. Steph had hope when she shot Black Mask but then she went back to drinking the Batman Kool-Aid.

Finally it came to me how to get rid of her. “And I know why you're here you want me don't you?"

“What?" She shouts.

“Yeah I don't blame you with Tim Drake being gay, and all well the only dudes you see at college are drunk frat boys. I can see why I'd be appealing."

“You’re delusional Todd!" She protests, perhaps a bit too much.

“Well if you want to stay at my place, stop annoying me. You can start by stripping." I grin. “Naked women are rarely annoying."

“You’re sick Jason!" She yells. “Oh and Tim is SO not gay!"

“Keep telling yourself that." I chuckle. She jumps out my window in a huff swinging somewhere into the night. Hey you know either way that could have ended would have been good, she'd either leave or I'd get some whichever.

This is he perfect time to go after the Heroslayer, another one of those big Crises' that brings all the heroes together to fight one thing is going on. The afore mentioned zombie thing. So Bats is busy, and won't be monitoring me with all of his spandex buddies.

Also Superman or whoever won't be going after Slayer himself he's busy fighting zombie Superman, yes you read that right zombie Superman.

Don't ask it's way too complicated to get into. Any way I'd done some detective ( yes I can do that. Bruce did train me in it . ) And found an exotic weapons supplier who sells crazy tech weapons to too plenty of bad guys including the 'Slayer.

He just happens to be set up in Gotham too well sometimes you just have the lucky breaks. I drive my cycle out to his hideout when I'm about to go break in, and smash interrogate him, I'm knocked back by a massive explosion.

" Shit!" I curse. At that moment a gun is pushed into my face. “that’s exactly what you are you Stark lover. "I already had my gun so I point it at my assailant.

My eyes clear and I see who ambushed me oh great it's ...

Punisher?! Great this just sucks.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Hn... Father's Day

This last Sunday Was father's Day. Cassandra couldn't visit since she seems to be up to ears in trouble with Legacy. I know how she feels having lead the Outsiders, and JLA.But she did send me a present.

She's improved in her writing ability by leaps and bounds since raven started teaching her.

Now the boys? Well I wish they didn't visit. Damien started insulting Tim immediately, and Jason cheered Damien on which annoyed Dick. So all four got into fist fights Oh and Tim has gotten into the caffeine pills again since he was all shaky.

If it isn't one addiction with him it's another. Mashed potatoes where everywhere, and Alfred was hit with a steak in the face.Dick storms out yelling " I don't need this! If anyone wants me I'll be back defending my own city!"

Problem is Damien, and Tim both live here,ad they'd still have plenty of chances to get into fights, Jason I don't know where he left to, But at least he won't be breaking anymore vases over people's heads if he did Alfred would have a fit.

Hmm I think I'll go out, and beat up on some pimps, that always helps me to blow off steam.

Meanwhile ....

"Time to dispense some Justice First I'm going to kill Heroslayer... then I'm going to clean up Gotham."

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Jason Todd: I hate Gatman

Back at the martial arts tournament thingy, that Vella dragged me to her dad tried to tell me I should start killing again. You know what Screw that funny haired midget!

I don't let Bruce tell me what to do I ain't gonna let monkey man tell me either. I do what I want. well at least I did until a guy with my face nad dressed up in a fake Batman costume decked me from behind and locked me up in his psycho version of a Batcave.

He kept babbling about how we met when I was traveling through the Multiverse, then right after that Superboy Prime scrapped his Earth. And then he blamed me for that. Oh don't blame that nutbar Superboy Prime... no! at least blame Kyle Rayner because he sucks, but not me.

Ten something weird started happening he'd leave trying to pretend to be Batman, then he just vanished one day. That was actually a good thing it gave me time to break out.

Too bad I tripped one of the traps on the way outta the cage it exploded throwing shrapnel in my legs. I woke up after what seemed like hours in the darkness I pulled my self towards the cave exit. a trail of thick blood following me.

I keep passing out each time it looked like several hours pass one time it'll be day, and another it'll be night. , and my wounds look, and feel infected. At one point, I think it'll just be easier to give up.

Some dream like half memory from the last time I died, passes through my mind. a perfect paradise, it seems almost welcoming until I hear this voice. " Jason Todd of Sector 2814 let go, and become one one of the Black Lantern Corps!"I wake up screaming in a Batcave but not the psycho one. this one has Alfred, my wounds are bandaged up,

" Ah nice to see you awake young master Jason."

" Yeah thanks Alf... why are Tim, and Damian all bandaged up and how did I get here?"

" Master Bruce found you and brought you here. Well because you shot Damian , and stabbed Tim, and when I say you..." he points at the far corner where in a cell I'm sitting. the other me that is.

Tim, and Damien fill me in what he did and I shake my head. " You two thought I did that crap? I mean I always only shot crooks."

" You were never that stable to begin with." Tim quips.

" Dude!" I yell. I mean yeah I was crazed after being dipped in a Laserus Pit with Ras'Al Ghul right besides me. Gross by the way. but my mind's been getting more, and more clear.

I'm slightly offended I mean even crazy I never shot the good guys, beat them up yeah, but never tried to kill them. Hey in my defense Tim Drake is fun to beat up. Try it some time.

Any way I try to call Vella, and she and all the calls keep going to voice mail I keep trying and finally I hear a female voice that sounds more like Supergirl than vel;. " Leave her alone you psycho! she wants nothing more to do with you!"

The other Jason laughs " Oh yeah your little girlfriend. the the one that i thought dyed her hair that funny color.. who knew that was natural? I made her feel good all night!" He laughs.

I'm when I heal up I'm gonna beat his face in until he doesn't look like me in a mirror anymore. I growl " Hey where's Cass he didn't mess her up too did he?"

Then I thought about her not being there.. " he didn't kill her did he?"

" No Master Bruce, and Mistress Cassandra had a falling out. Alfred then explains about the whole marriage thing.

" Hahahaha! little sis landed herself a prince. Well good for her."

At this moment Bats walks around the corner and gives me " the angry Batman look."

then he rushes off to brood in some dark corner somewhere. " you always were the tactful one master Jason." Alfred Jokes before leaving me some food. I stare at the other me , and toss my soda at his face he just laughs in his cage. he'll get his soon enough.