Batman returns

I really should come up with a better plan, when facing an evil god than shooting him with a god weapon, and talking to him for five minutes. I was blasted by Darkseid's so called "Omega Sanction" And sent to what was basically a Hell dimension for a few months.

They say Mister Miracle escaped from that place, well I'm an escape artist too. Too bad when I escaped I did so in the Stone Age. For quite some time I was in a cave with an elderly cave man the only company well until he died.

I drew the Batsymbol onto caves hoping that someone would notice them and a time traveler would pick me up. That had actually worked just not a time traveller I was expecting.

" Hey Gramps!" He grins. “Nice beard, and long hair."

I can't believe I'm going to say this; I'd have actually preferred Booster Gold. The whole way back he would say something like" bet you wish you didn't try to keep my parents apart now aren't you?"

All I said in response is " Hn" And I still hope his future does not come to pass. Maybe I should Kidnap Vincent and have him snipped... Then I'd be stuck in the past still... Damn I hate paradoxes.


Any way it took me forever to convince, Dick, and Tim I was who I said I was who I said I was. Seems “Bruce Cain" Put me months ahead of when I vanished, and there was a burned up corpse in a Batman costume at the scene where Darkseid blasted me.

I have no explanation for that. Darkseid's powers sometimes don't conform to known scientific laws. All I know is when I escaped I was flesh, and blood. Seems I have a lot to catch up on, though I went to Captain Picard's Christmas Party I missed actual Christmas, Probably a good thing since I didn't have to have the awkward conversation with Batgirl about why I bought her a robe.

Iron Man being booted from SHIELD, a new President, all of this I missed I came in on all of my protégé' , and a few Villains fighting for my identity as Batman, that was odd.

Maybe I shouldn't have taken the time to shave and get a haircut before making my appearance. It all turned out alright though seemingly. Although I found an odd looking Batman costume in Jason's room. I'm still not sure I trust him yet and i don't think I'd want him to take my place as Batman.

I pushed this out of my mind as I went down to the cave and looked at the reports from the last few months ... seems the criminals have been rioting since my " Death." they have been emboldened It's high time I make them fear the night once again.

As I start to plan my return the Bat computer yells “incoming transmission”

The ghastly face of the Joker comes on screen

“Hello kiddies it's your Uncle Joker! I'm transmitting this all over the City to let you know my years of mirth, and merry making are coming to an end. You see Gotham, without Batman the game is just no fun anymore. And I will not be spending my time fighting with a Bird Boy wearing daddy's clothes. Besides every time I kill one of those brats they come back wearing leather jackets, and more annoying than when I killed them. But you see I'm the type when a game becomes boring I smash the game board.

So you see I've several nuclear devices all over the city. Yes I know one would do it but the way I've set them up will leave a permanent smile on the ground where Gotham used to be. So I ask you one last time why so serious? HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!"

Damn Joker I start to run to the Batmobile When I'm grabbed by a strong slender hand that picks me up off the ground.

“Wonder Woman?" I gasp .


Superman was behind her “Diana we don't have to be so rough."

“Quiet Kal!" Diana yells.

“There’s no need for that tone Wonder Woman! It's possible Bruce could have returned!"

Diana glares at me “Who are you? And why are you pretending to be Bruce Wayne?"

I don't have time for this.