Thursday, December 11, 2008

Jason Todd: Alien girls are weird.

I've been staying at Wayne Manor since Bruce well... who the hell knows he vanishes a lot. People are talking about a battle for the cowl coming uh... yeah. As soon as anyone takes Bats' mask he'll show up again.

Anyway yeah it was okay until I'd come back in from night patrol and hear something rattling around the kitchen. I wander in there, and oh naked chick I wonder if this is one of Bruce's girl friends?

Then she turns around Ugh!


“Cass why the hell are you naked? Does Bruce let you roam around like that?"

“I was uncomfortable..."

“That makes two of us Argh!" So I've been spending the night at one of Bruce's safe houses since then. I can do without little sister streaking. Next thing you know Tim will wear a dress, and Dick will try to be short Batman...

Any way I was getting with to do my morning workout when I was blown up by
Pan

Say what you want about Batman being paranoid, and all but that body armor he gave me saved my neck. I was stuck under rubble for about an hour slowly digging my way out until Vel finally freed me you know some guys make fun of me for having a girlfriend much stronger than I am...

But it seems to be a Bat Family tradition of some kind Bruce, and Wonder Woman, Dick, and Starfire, Tim , and Wonder Girl... well that and those guys all lust after Supergirl who's s bit stronger than Vel. But that's not my point my point is this time it's quite an advantage since I only got to spend an hour under the rubble, and not all day.

Anyway she gets all pissed and goes to beat up Pan... okay cool I can still do what I planned to do today. Turns out the guy running around in my old Red Robin costume was an enemy of Tim's called the General.

That jerk got me put in the slammer for a day and his distraction got me shot in the leg. He's already in prison after his last fight with Robin but Now he's gonna meet the Red Hood.

Sneaking in was easy enough. I break into his cell and he starts with the regular villain tripe. “ I trained with great masters... so I could defeat my great adversary Robin... you the failed Robin can not... Argh!"

The Argh was the part when I kicked him in the jewels. I was trained by many of those masters too, and Batman. But nothing's better than fighting dirty.

I pull a gun and think about shooting him in the head. Nah Not worth the bother I'll get from the other bird boys. I shoot him in the leg in the exact way I was injured... good enough., and he won't get some magic bean thing from his half alien girlfriend so he's gonna have to live with some pain.

I escape, and go back to the Mansion. Where the little terror Damian is whining at Alfred. I slap him in the back of the head. “You don't mess with Alf ya got that?"

“What kind of shenanigans have you been up to Master Jason?" He eyes me suspiciously.

“No one died if that's what you're asking ."

“Very good sir. You can have a cookie."

I'm really hoping that's a joke. I sit not really paying attention to anything when I'm grabbed up and put on someone’s shoulder a slim shoulder that looks like it shouldn't have the strength to pick me up.

I sigh. “I wish you wouldn't do that Vel."

“Why?" She giggles.

Tim runs out and laughs.

“That’s why." I groan. “Hey Tim shut up At least my girlfriend didn't fake her own death to get away from me like Brown did to you."

“She didn't fake her death she was really dead!" he gripes.

Sure she was. I smile as I'm being carried like a sack of potatoes out the door the rest of the night was good, and bad the good good dinner, the bad I had to clothes shop with the little princess.

She laughs. “Don’t worry it won't be all bad you get to take a bath with me.

I thought that was great until we get to where Legacy used to have thier HQ. She put all this girlie crap into it bath salts... perfumes bubbles ugh.


Too much damn pink in this room too. Later after we dry off we, and put some clothes we run into The mini version of Tony Stark. “Oh good glad you two are still here. I'm putting together a new Legacy And you two are prime candidates, and wait...why do you smell like Flowers 'Hood?"

Stupid bath perfume....

Monday, December 1, 2008

Batgirl: Batgirls united

I was at um.. Inertia's funeral. I don't get these funerals And i said it out loud...

Vella speaks up. " Hm some one's talkative today, and a bit morbid too." She smiles. " We'll just bring him back with the dragon balls when they regenerate in some months." I see Jason wince.. at her saying that.

Must be nice to be live that people always come back... then again Superman was dead...Conner was dead... I look across this graveyard, and I see a Flash that used to be dead. Why can't the man that my father made me kill as a kid come back?

Supergirl um bounces up to me. " Hey! Batty I was going to ask you if you need a new member Well I can help ya out."

" I don't... know When I lead Legacy someone died. ... Not sure if I want to lead anymore.

" Oh bat angst nice. Well here keep my number, and call me when you're recruiting. "

Great I can barely read her number.I guess I could get Vincent to read it... but I haven't seen him in a few days. After that was over, and I had my share of dirty looks from Anthony Stark Jr.

Later at the Batcave... I sit Staring... at the computer.Wishing Batman were here.. So I could talk ..or Nightwing or Robin. Or someone besides the annoying Damian Kid Or Jason...

Ugh Why does Batman have to vanish every once in a while? As I sit thinking... I don't notice. Somone walk in. " Wow it's unusual for someone to sneak up on you."




I sigh. " Not another alternate universe or ... um reboot."

" Nope it's me no universe reboot or anything Cass." Barbara smiles.

I grab her and hug her. "You can walk again!" her body language is a little weird about it though. " Hey while the boys are wherever. why don't we protect Gotham?get into costume."

This is weird... I was always told that if Barbabra walked again she'd take the Batgirl name from me But she wants to um team up.. I should have known.. she's never really been that um mean to me. So I'm ready.

We went swinging through the city. Until we saw this weirdo in a moth suit.



He's strange looking.

"ohhh man I don't be live it! My old pal Killer Moth!" Babs laughs "I thought you were run out of this city years ago! robbing a bank? Really? Wow! Like old times."

" Who's this Batgirl? Your ugly little sister?" Moth guy spits.

" Sister ? Soon yes. Ugly no. It's actually too bad she hides herself behind that mask anywhoo We'll just kick your butt now."

All these guys dressed like moths try to attack us. I beat them down while Barbara charges Killer Moth Whiles she's not a as good a fighter as I am, she didn't do all that bad.

I watched her back knocking out the guns from henchman's hand is or just knocking out sneak attackers. Then all of the sudden there was a popping sound and Barbara fell in a heap.

" I don't know what happened to you batgirl

I um step in front of the moth man and Barbara. "Oh what are you going to do tiny?"

I break his arm, and leave him tied up for the police, I swing Barbara, out of there.

" Ah stupid exoskeleton!" Babs yells.

" you can't walk?" i ask.

" No it was an exoskeleton made to look like my suit I was I ... well I just wanted to go out one last time. After the Weirdo with the Cosmic Cube made me Batgirl again Seems dumb huh?"

" No... Why did you want me to come along?" I um question.


" Well you always were like a student to me I guess I just wanted. To fight along side you for once if I stayed Batgirl you'd be my sidekick now." She laughs.

" No I'm the better... fighter." I say. " You're just the pretty one."

" Hey! I' m the brains! You're the brawn! Just take me back to the Clock Tower." She sighs.

" What did you mean you would be my sister?" I ask.

" I'm marrying Nightwing remember?"

" Well you'll be... better than my real one."

Hey Bruce, Tim, Dick, Jason, and me are your real family. David Cain only wanted to use you as a weapon. Family isn't always about blood."

After taking Barbara back to the clock tower. Nightwiing tries to give me an um Pep talk about leading a super team.

I guess I feel a little better Now after talking with Dick. Inertia did um... make his choice to sacrifice himself.

i return home.. and find a Vincent waiting on me asleep.

I guess it's a good thing... Bruce isn't here.... he wouldn't like me bringing Vincent up to my room.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

My stalker

Nightwing thinks he has it bad. He has two stalkers. Clark's smitten cousin. Supergirl

And Flamebird who used to be the first Bat-Girl, before Barbara Gordon.


Me well yes I have had my share of stalkers. Katherine Kane The First Batwoman, Aunt to Flame bird, and related to the new Batwoman Kate Kane.

Of Course Ex girlfriends like Catwoman, and Talia Al Ghul would come back every once in awhile. But then next one well bothers me a little, Hush.

Yes the villain that that Spoiler calls "Trench coat Mummy". He was a kid who I was friends with as a kid, until my parents were shot, and I began my crusade. He was creepy as a kid, Tommy Elliott was creepy as a kid, and he's creepier now.

He first became a villain when he pulled the old “Send every villain after me then face me when I'm weakened “gag. For a while I thought he was just another super villain with a grudge.

Until recently when we fought I felt that old creepy vibe again. He would call all the women I'd been with “whores" And saying they weren't good enough for me. Then he'd start reciting poetry. At this point I almost miss Poison Ivy.

But what he did lately really took the cake. He had plastic surgery to look like me.


Now he wants to take over my life and "be" me. Oh yes like Superman, or Wonderwoman or many others wouldn't notice that. Sigh I never thought I'd say this: I miss the days of Batwoman.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Jason Todd/RedHood rumble in Gotham

I was having a nice time... Rubbing my girlfriend's smooth legs while convincing her to get nude... Vel got her stop off when freaking Damian comes in, breaking the window.

“Kid what are you doing at the Bat's safe hose."



The kid gives me a snotty look. “I’m telling father you're cavorting with a gutter skank in his house you zombie!"

Cavorting? The brat's been around Alfred too long. “Hey!" Vella protests. “I’m a princess! I'm not some ho he picked up... I actually pursued him... and what are you staring at?"


I slap my forehead "Vella put on your shirt. You've probably jump started the Son of Satan's puberty."


She uses her ring to recreate her costume." Um Why are you still staring at me... hey Jason I'll se you later he's really creeping me out. Bye!" She flies in out the window... While I'm feeling... blue if you get my drift.

“What do you want you little C-blocker?" I growl.

“What’s a C-blocker?"

" Never mind, Bruce is probably going to kick my ass for you seeing Vella's melons I don't wanna get in more trouble so again why are you here?

Tim was chasing me around with a butterfly net... I came here until father returns I didn't know my zombie older brother and his freak girlfriend where here."

“Yeah you thought she was a freak when you were drooling over her half naked body weren't you? And I'm not a zombie!"

“You were dead and buried weren't you?" He grins “if you're not a zombie then what are you?"



" Well you see Superboy Prime hit a wall somewhere..."

I just realized how stupid that sounds... "It was magic okay."

We glare at each other. “Well since I'm not getting laid tonight I might as well get into a fight. SHIELD is after me wanna help me warn 'em off?"

“What’s getting laid?" he questions.

"Gah! Go on the internet or ask your friends or something."

Anyway a little later Red X is on the prowl.

And as predicted he's jumped by the Black Widow. She fights him pretty well but I think she notices the difference in his fighting style.

I laugh from the opposite roof “you got suckered! That’s my little brother is wearing lifts... I'm right here! You could beat one of us Natasha... but both of us I don't think so. You don't have to do this I registered so I'm not outside the law."

“Your little gang war was outside the law Nick wants me to bring you in!"

“Uh huh that’s not going to happen. So you can leave or I'll send your head to Fury in a duffel bag. "

She shoots one of these Widow's bite things. My body armor protects me and Damian jumps her from behind I told her she couldn't beat us both She tosses off the brat and I throw a punch at her jaw. She rolls with this but the glancing blow does still makes her see stars.

While she's trying to get her bearings Damian shoulder blocks her under the knee. She pulls a gun I shoot it out of her hand with mine. “Nice try Comarade." I put my gun to her head. “Any last words not in Russian?"


“Nick would never let you live after this."

“He should have thought of that before sending you after me ... he could have just left well enough alone but noooo."

Before I pull the trigger a disk with a bird on it knocks the gun out of my hand. Wonderful; "Red Robin" again.

Man Vella was right that costume is ugly. “So are you some alternate Earth me? Or just some douche who found my old costume in a dumpster, and decided to be a thrift store superhero?"

He doesn't talk but I can smell the dumpster on the costume man really wash the thing. “Red X This one is mine!" I order not that it matters... he was staring at Black Widow's chest. Sigh Batman is gonna kill me.

I take out the only good thing that Tim Drake gave me... the unbreakable crowbar.


Red Robin blocks the hit swing I hear a crack when it hits his wrist. “Surprised this thing can break the body armor huh?" Well here get more surprised." I slam
It into his ribs he falls gasping for breathe.

“I pick up my gun “Alright let's finish this."

“Do we have to kill this one?" Damian asks staring at Natasha.

“Yes, she betrays everyone her own country every guy she's been with Fury will thank me for this."

Next a Batarang knocks the gun out of my hand “Oh come on! Okay Tim you wanna fight... Oh Shit!"




Batman I'm too shocked to put up a fight before Batman throws a hard punch in my jaw. “I told you no killing, Red Hood."

“Are we in trouble father?" Damien asks.

“Yes you are. Widow! You tell Fury I'll take care of Red Hood, and to keep his spies out of my city."

Bruce chews me out after I wake up back at the cave. “It’s obvious you've been looking for attention since you left SHIELD, maybe even before. Fine you have my attention, Now you pay attention to me killing solves nothing Nightwing tried to kill the Joker, yet he's back out there causing chaos.

“Nightwing ... avenged me? And the Joker came back?"

I should have known Richard was cool with me as Robin.

But if the Joker can come back... then what I'm doing is as useless as Batman.

Batman growls, “if you want back in you have to stop killing."

“I’ll think about it." I snort. Yeah the problem is I really will have to think about it.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Batgirl:Leading is tough

I um, hate talking into ... this thing. But I can only read a few words. Everyone thinks I'm trying ... to stop Slade out of revenge. It's not that. I don't like what he did to... Ravager. She was never my friend. We don't get along. But I don't want her controlled like ... I was. No one deserves that.

We just beat some of Slade's Society friends. Including a now evil Mary Marvel.

Vincent grins... “Babe. I think it's a trap." I can tell by his body language that he is uh excited at the fight that will come. People wonder why Tim ... introduced us. I think Tim knew I'd like Vincent.


I ignore him can't think about him... now the mission comes first... like Bruce taught me. “So how are we getting to the New York to Penthouse to find Slade?" I ask.


Inertia pips up “I can be there in a second."


Iron Lad growls. “Yeah so you can warn your buddy The Terminator that we're coming no thanks."

"I don't owe One Eye nothin' Iron Wimp!" Thad spits.

“Stop fighting!" I order. Do my older brothers Dick and Tim have to go through this mess... with the Outsiders, and Titans?"

"I got a jet in my pocket." Vincent smiles.

My best friend Spoiler goes" Eeew! Really don't share things like that!"

“Not what I mean Stephanie." He shakes his head, and takes a small metal capsule out of his pocket he pushes a button, throws it into a clearing, and it becomes a huge plane. “Welcome aboard Air Briefs."



As we're flying. Vince and Vella make fun of their nephew. Iron Lad flies, the plane Inertia paces all nervous He doesn't like not running... I wonder if all speedsters are like this.

Stephanie wanders up to me. “Is this worth it?"

“Huh?" I ask.

“Rose Wilson has been nothing more than a thorn in both of our sides. She's constantly flirting with my boyfriend. Hell she brags he beat you once, even though you beat her once too."


I shrug. “Neither one of us was ourselves in our fights... Steph we've both had problems with our dads. Would you want someone to help you If Cluemaster did this to you?"

“Yeah but it's not our thing Cass. Rose is not our responsibility."

“I know your scared ... of Slade." I state.


“Okay a little, but I also don't give a damn about pirate girl. We have our own city to protect why're we doing this?"

“You can leave... Stephanie. No one will blame you." I say.


She sighs. “I’ll blame my self."

The rest of the way is silent. When we get to the pent house Slade was waiting on us. He babbled on about... how his drug brought out my true nature, and how I won’t tear apart his family. I only have one answer for him.



At that minute Match, Enigma, Evil Wondergirl Clone, Ravager, Sungirl, and a bunch of ninjas attack. Of course it was a trap...

Friday, August 29, 2008

I'm not crazy ( well no more than usual)

I know I've been running around Gotham in this extremely ugly costume.

And yes I know I look like a crayon box threw up on me. You see I ... this is so embarrassing... I lot a bet. Superman bet me he could not only eat 10 gallons of ice cream in five seconds with out a brain freeze.

I was sure he wasn't invulnerable to brain freeze. Hh I hate being wrong. So now I have to run around Gotham in that hideous outfit. Where did Superman get this idea? A red, purple, and yellow Batman costume? Ugh.

What's worse I no longer strike fear in the superstitious cowardly criminals. They laugh. Okay I've come to expect that from the Joker, but not normal thugs. Okay I admit I beat them a little harder than maybe I should now, but being laughed at is new, and annoying.

I also have Robin running after me ranting. “You’re crazy Batman! I must bring you down!"

I know you go through a lot Tim. I know Marvin, and Wendy your janitors or whatever they are were eaten by some kind of Greek Myth monster dog. That doesn't mean you have to take it out on me.

Wait a minute a call is coming in.

“Hey Batman." Superman smiles on the communicator screen.

“I’m not betting with you again. You'd probably have me in a pink tutu or something. “I growl." Why can't you bet for money like normal people?"


“I’m the man that has everything" He grins. “Embarrassing you is more fun anyway but all things have to come to an end. The allotted time for the bet is over you can go back to your regular costume."

I let a grin come over my face, and drive back to the Batcave breaking a few land speed records


Ah much better. Moral of the story is don't bet with Superman.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Family squabbles

The Riddler sent me a note by way of Commissioner Gordon. You see he's on my side now, but instead of a calling me, and telling me where a crime will happen he still sends me riddles. Idiot.

So I pretty much have this solved when the kids start yelling in the Bat Cave. “You did it Cass! Admit it!"

"Nuh- uh!"

"Nightwing's right you did to!"

“No!"


Grahhh! Stupid sidekicks! Why is Nightwing even here anyway? I go down to the cave to find all three of them fighting.

“Stop this now!" I order." What's going on?"

“Cass stole all the cookies! That Alfred baked!" Robin yells.

“I did not! They were just gone ...a second after I ... saw them."

I shake my head." Hh. Let's take a look at the scene of the crime."

The only sign I found of the cookies in question was one that was half eaten. I take something out of my belt. “Cassandra take a bite out of this."

“Um...why?" She takes a look at it." It’s gooey." She bites it any way.

“It’s to make a dental impression Cass. I compare the impression to the cookie. “From this impression I can safely say Batgirl didn't bite this cookie, and that she needs to floss more."

“Who did?" Nightwing asks.

All of the sudden Bat-Mite appears in front of all of us.

Why? Why does this freak stalk me? I wonder if I can get a restraining order from 5th dimensional imps?

“Hey bat crew!' he announces.

Cassandra answers with “you’re ugly."

“This coming from a girl that wears a full face mask?"

“Want to borrow...it? You need it more than I do." She responds. Since when does she does she make cracks? Not really a bad one either."


Wing what's wrong?"

Oh great he's having a flashback to the last time Bat-Mite appeared to him when he was Robin.

What was worse was Wally "Kid Flash” West yelling "get a room!"

“Aww he missed me." Bat-Mite smiles. “And we can all have fun adventures all the time! Now what are some silly old cookies compared to having me around all the time?"

The kids look at each other for a second then yell “get him!" simultaneously. As they start beating him I turn away.

" Bruce help!" The weirdo begs.

“No." I respond simply. “Alfred if you don't mind can you bake another batch of cookies? And maybe clean up the mess after the kids are done with Bat-Mite."

“Very good sir." And he made some kind of remark about "pests” and” bug spray."

Bat-Mite shrieks “My spleen!" before vanishing

Dick yells “keep your hands to yourself!" To the smoke.

Hh. I should look into getting some kind of Bat-Mite repellant. I mean I have Shark repellant; at least I could actually have a use for Bat- Mite repellant.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Saiyans...

I was doing pretty well without saiyans. In fact the last few days were pretty good except for Nightwing finding his birthday present early.

Then that Justice girl appears in Gotham. Seems Cassandra had told her that I could give her advice. Though she made some comment about me creating protocols against Galen.

"I'm a man who walks among gods, I have to be prepared."

“How would you feel if someone had thought of ways to beat up Wonder Woman?"

“I already have protocols against her as well." I state. Her eyes widen in shock." Aw to be young and naive again. As long as Galen doesn't become mind controlled you have nothing to worry about, you may think his tech is some mysterious force but he's still human still has weaknesses never mind what do want?"


Tells me about alien soldiers killing innocents.

“And you’re supposed to be their symbol?"

She nods.

“Then you cannot allow this to continue I created Batman to be a symbol not just for fear of criminals, but also for normal people to feel safe. That's why I put down anyone who wears it, and kills unless you want your legacy to be one of atrocities you need to nip this in the bud now."

She nods. “You know Cass is right about you." Then she leaves I wonder what she meant by that. I put it out of my head, and swing over towards City Hall to talk to Jim Gordon.

Before I get there I'm jumped by another saiyan.

" Hahahaha! Once I beat you the girl will be mine!"

I have no idea what he's talking about, and I don't really care I don't particularly feel like be being beaten today. I throw a batarang in his face; it explodes throwing pepper spray in his eyes.

While he's growling I use a hyper sonic device to knock him off balance. Then while his ears, and eyes are incapacitated. I put on my adamantium gloves and hit him in the groin first.

Hey don't knock fighting dirty. It's one of the reasons I've survived all these super villains. I punch him a few more times for good measure, and turn when I hear a mocking laughter.

It was Vegeta. He didn't attack just flew off. I get the feeling this was a set up of some kind.

Any way I get home after helping Gordon take down a drug ring. Oddly led by Kool-Aid. Yeah one of my stranger nights. I'm just glad Batmite didn't show up.

Diana pulls me out of bed around noon. “What? Corn Chips!" I respond must have been dreaming.

"Bruce did you forget we were going to meet with Jason's girlfriend today."

I rub my eyes. “Just what I need another scowling angry saiyan."

Diana grins “you should get along just fine then."

“Ha ha." I respond sarcastically.

“You don't need to worry if you had actually paid attention the first couple of times you met her you'd realize she's different than the others."

At lunch I see what she means.

“Oh like wow! Wonder Woman! You are like my hero!"

“We’ve met before Vella." She laughs.

“Yeah but this isn't an end of the world thing I can't believe I'm eating lunch with Wonder Woman!"

Jason slaps his force head. “What did I say about being hyper?"

"Oh hush Jason. Um... this may sound stupid but Wonder Woman can I have your autograph?"

It got odder, and odder she didn't say "bah!" once and was actually laughing in a non evil way, and making jokes.

I whisper " Are you sure your Vegeta's daughter?"

“Hee hee yup!" I watch as she fixes a cell phone. What's stranger is Jason was actually acting civil for once. After the lunch was over Diana smiles. “Did not tell you so or didn't I?"

"Yes, she’s smart, happy, attractive, and nothing like any saiyan I've met thought there is a rumor that that Goku one acts something like that without the intelligence. You know what this means?"

She beams. “I think so."

“Jason is going to screw this up."

Monday, July 21, 2008

Killed by the Hulk

I was crushed by the Hulk on Hacknor, trying to help out that idiot Conner Kent. Hn. All that, and he lost and was kicked off that stupid game. I woke up and in some regeneration machine with Private Hudson staring at me.

“Wow! Batman is... um who are you again?"

“This isn't real it's only a dream." I tell him.

“Oh yeah... I need to stop eating pizza before bed." He moans.

That was easy; I'd better put on my mask before someone else sees me without it. I use the transporter back to Earth then I return to Gorham, where Alfred decides to play mother hen.

“Master Bruce you were crushed you need to take it easy for a few days, perhaps brag about The Dark Knight's success?"

" Hn. Alfred I'm not Stark. Besides Robin, and Jason are is missing... I need to find them."

“You need to relax after such an experience sir, not beating up muggers that are way too stressful."

Staying here is what's stressful. At least the Titans are gone looking for Robin like I should be doing. Maybe this won't be so bad... what the? Damn it Cassandra put some clothes on!

That's it! I'm off to beat muggers, and whoever asks me what I’ve done to desrve the Steakhouse Burger that's how I relive stress after that I'm finding Both Robins, The lost one, and the good one.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Why did I decide to have a bat family?

Cassandra has picked up a bad habit. She has decided to walk around at night naked. This is a problem normally since the first time she did it, in front of Robin he ran around yelling "No unclean! Unclean!" besides the problem of her being basically my ward, and her being too old to act like that.


Nightwing visited with the Outsiders for a team up, and freaked them out. Not all of them Green Arrow keeps asking "If she's available."

I should punch him for that, but instead said. “If you want to fight a teenage hormonal space alien hybrid that the other day destroyed a Gotham City block be my guest, or better yet go ask Nightwing if she's available."

Since I later found him with a broken nose and an ice pack on his groin I'd say he was actually dumb enough to ask Nightwing. Ollie isn't the only problem there are two other problems named Conner Kent, and Garfield Logan, AKA Superboy, and Beast Boy.

I can do without the constant cat calls and Alfred hitting them with brooms the sooner the new Titan's Tower is built the better. So I had to re teach her to wear robes when walking around the house at night.

I really wish I knew who to blame for her forgetting that in the first place, Vincent maybe or it's a Deathstroke serum side effect. Either way it's a good thing I took the time to reteach her, because some social worker appeared to ask about someone using Jason's social security number, and ID to get credit cards.

That didn't look too good, but if she was playing at being a nudist it would have looked a hundred times worse. God how am I going to explain all these teenagers running around without looking like Caligula?

Cass looks up at me after being called "Sicko" by the social worker. Cass Asked. “Jason? What’s wrong?"

“Nothing it's just I have to not let on I know he's alive, that and know he's Red X, and you let him go."

“He’s my brother... like Dick... and Tim... I couldn't lock him away."

I sigh. "I know I can't blame you for something I've done my self. I could have stopped him at any time, but he's still my son I keep holding out hope he can be reached, and he has been acting somewhat better lately, at least he's not putting people's heads in duffle bags, or running around dressed as Richard, also He didn't kill those security guards at Thorne's someone else did that someone who wanted me to know Jason was in a new costumed identity, and wanted me, confront him. He didn't even kill Thorne just wounded him. There's hope for the boy yet."

She smiles and is about to walk off." Cassandra? Before you go I would like to ask you not bring the rest of Legacy along with you next I ask you to defend Gotham in my absence."

“Can I bring Spoiler?" She asks.

“Yes that's fine." Now to confront Jason.

I had suspected he was using one of my safe houses since I found a torn Green Lantern costume on the floor. While it could have been Huntress and Hal Jordan again, I don't believe Hal has shrunk to about 5 foot 7.

Another child of mine, and another alien I blame Dick, and Starfire for this. Tim will likely be engaged to the Martian Girl in a couple of years. I wait until he enters through the window.

“I should have known you'd figure it out." he grunts.

“It took about five minutes. So you and the saiyan girl? Why?"

He takes off the mask “I don't have to answer to you anymore! Besides its just sex."

“Don’t lie to a liar." I respond. "Red X? SHIELD?"

"Yeah I guess you seen LGS 3?"

I shrug. “No why?"

“Well don't let's just say SHIELD wants me in a mask again.

“The thievery?" I enquire.

" Yeah Throne was selling top secret weapons plans, Hulk Busters that Stark has designed just in case the big Gamma Goof went all ' Take over New Yorky' again. In the wrong hands those things..."

"I get the picture, and the money was just a cover up."

"Yeah." He retorts.

"Hh. I want you to know if you kill in my city, I will bring you, and your puppet masters down."

“Yeah, yeah." he rolls his eyes. “I’m going out to take on whoever is wearing my costume. I guess this is payback for me pretending to be Dick, But hey Lazarus Pits and all that. Later pops."

“Yes in fact me and Diana would like to meet this girlfriend of yours. And I’m not taking no for an answer. I call you with the date and time; remember Amazons do not like tardiness."

" Okay." He swings out into the night. I watch to make sure he doesn't kill as he fights his doppelganger. When Jason tears off the mask, he finds... Talon Owl Man's sidekick.

“I tested you for Granny you fought with Batman, now you will fight for Granny." A Boom Tube opens up and sucks Jason in. I knock out Talon, with a Batarang. The Tube closes before I can enter. “Talon! Where did you send where?"

He just repeated " Granny is Love Slavery is freedom” over and over. It doesn’t take the World’s greatest detective to know who's behind this Darkseid.


Meanwhile

Jason gets up " Ugh where am I? And why am I in Earth 2 Robin's costume?"

An announcer's voice blares. “Weeelcome to the Dark Side Club! In the ring at 6'1 222 lbs. The second Robin! And his opponent...

“Ah you have got be kidding me!" Jason grumbles

Monday, June 9, 2008

A new rouge.. just what I need.

That thing ... in my last post was created by Batmite for...well I can never figure that little freak out. Any way I made Batmite put it back where ever he got it from. Some day I'm going to figure out how to keep 'Mite from getting into this dimension.

After I finally get Batmite to go away. Another thing pops up as Cyclops runs around Gotham naked blasting anything that moves. X-men can be so annoying. I have to chase him down, while keeping my dinner from coming up.

I finally catch him with an inhibitor net that took away his powers. Now I'll let Commissioner Gordon deal with him. Finally I get a chance to go and capture Mobster Rupert Thorn, Who I finally have enough evidence to put away.

When I get to his mansion, I find that many of his gangsters are shot Thorn was being choked by this person.


“Who are you supposed to be?" I ask.

“Red X is good enough. Now mind your own business Bats. I'm taking care of Thorn, unlike you who don't have the guts. "

I see that he broken open Thorn's safe. “Helping yourself to his money more like."

He laughs. “Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, namely me.” I throw a batrang to get him away from Thorn.

It hits his neck slashing it " Not again!" He shouts.

"Again? I know you?"

He throws the X shaped ninja stars out of a belt, oh great he's ripping me off. Or he's one of the people I've trained. The way he fights confirms this he uses many of my moves. This narrows it down a lot.

After throwing different gadgets at each other, he pulls a gun and fires. I turn and see he shot Thorn in the shoulder. Thorn had a gun himself, and was about to shoot me. " Seems you couldn't resist trying to take me out."

I turn my attention back to Red X, he's already gone. The money is gone as well. A murderer , and a thief. Sigh and the suspects are few my own family.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Second chances and What The?

Sometimes I go down the Bat pole to the cave and I wish the things let you go back up. I walked into to Oracle telling Batgirl “You and the alternate you really shouldn't have done that."


“But it made... Vince happy “Ugh. I do not want to hear anymore. I decided to go onto my new little project. This weirdo sorcerer named Galen has appeared from another Universe, and he seems to act like Terry Long.

If Vegeta is too much of a pansy to protect his granddaughter, and the Alien Vampire morally bankrupt enough to let her young teenage daughter sleep with man as old as I am, that's none of my business.

But what is my business is said girl was recruited for Batgirl's team meaning she will be around Batgirl and Spoiler. And so will the pervert. If he stays with the alien amalgam thing fine, but if he puts his attentions to Cassandra, or Stephanie I need to be able to step in.


The legacy house's computer scanned him it was odd his powers resisted normal means of scanning but the tech of the gods of New Genesis was able to crack it. and after studying his powers I know they are mostly tech based. I have created about 20 ways to defeat him so far and in case "Justice" gets in my way I have 1'234 ways to stop her. The alien Vampire I have about 2,000 Valley may have had an obsession with her; I've always seen her as a potential threat.

Only problem with the Galen protocols is about 12 of them are lethal, I guess eight ways to stop him and leave him alive are good enough for one night before the week is over I want at least 100.

He may be as noble as he pretends and whatever universe he's from has an 1800's mindset, but I always assume the worst first and prepare just in case.

“Master Bruce? Miss Stephanie is here."

“Good Alfred. Bring her here."

He brought her in and stayed good. Because I don't want this to become a scene. I save, and close Galen protocols and put in the CD I found in Robin's room. Stephanie's eyes go wide as she watches herself kill Black Mask. She starts looking at the floor.

"He almost killed me... I was afraid."

Almost? Never mind I'll figure out her meaning later. Though my memories of the events seem fuzzy like I suspected something was wrong with them... Don't tell me someone has re written history again I hate when that happens “That is not how you respond to fear."

“I... know it was just... Am I going to jail?"

“Do you think you should?" I ask.

“I don't know he was such a cruel.... but maybe I do. Can you get my mom to take care of Gwen?"


“Master Bruce?" Alfred gives me the fatherly stern look he gives when he wants me to stop acting like the Bat." You are not going to prison Miss Stephanie. Killing a zombie is not illegal."

“What?"

I still look at her sternly but to tell the truth I'm rather happy, I was afraid she was going to try to justify her actions, or try to black mail me with the her knowledge of my true identity. Instead she took responsibility for her actions, and was willing to take the consequences, good it's a start. “Black Mask's body was still dead when you shot it he was wearing this.” I show her the Black Ring.

“It’s similar to the ones the Green Lanterns wear, I believe it reanimated Black Mask's corpse."

“I didn’t kill him?" She smiles.

“No but you thought you did and that's a problem." I admonish. “I know you've been spending a lot of time in West City but if you want to work for me, and be on a JLA sponsored team you will work by our rules and that means no killing."

“Wait you guys are sponsoring us?" She looks skeptical

“Yes you have proven your selves now we we'll be training you like the Titans. Now as for you I gave the Huntress a second chance and Catwoman as well I'm giving you that chance too. I will be keeping a close eye on you, just one more thing."

“Yes sir?" She looks a little scared.

“Next time Jason comes to you for anything do not go with him but report to me instead."

“Okay." She shakes her head. "For what it's worth I'm sorry."


“Go to your evening training." I respond.

"Alfred Smiles.” Seems you are actually becoming somewhat more understanding Master Bruce a few years ago you would have kicked her out of the cave, and forbidden any of the bat family from speaking to her. Good show."

“Her dying once was enough. If I had done as you said she would be killed by the Joker or someone and Gwen would have been left without a parent. I would never wish that on any child. Now I have to find out who's been impersonating me."

Yes someone is pretending to be me again, what is with these people? Maybe they should spend one night as me or have to listen to Green Arrow and Hawkman argue in a JLA meeting once. They'd stop wanting to be me after seeing that. Or if they had to spend any amount of time with Guy Gardener.

At first I thought it was Jason given the fact that he once ran around in a Nightwing costume. I wish it was Jason and not this.

This is what I tracked down, Great Scott! What is that? Why is that? No just... no

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Sometimes I just don't want to know.

I returned to Gotham after my adventure with Wolverine in Japan went south and somehow Rishou ended up dead. So I was a bit distracted when me and Tony Stark , had enacted out plan, to rid the planet of Skrulls.

It seems Bulma Briefs, had found some way to make them go back into their own shapes with a beam. We set satellites to fire this beam all over the planet, Where ever a Skrull appeared they were captured or died in battle with some of the more murderers in the metahuman community, many of which were super villains.

After a hard day of fighting the Skrulls left Earth. Now is the time. I take out a device from my belt press the button. And Tony Stark starts flailing like he's drunk, or perhaps he actually was, he may have a mini bar in that suit, His armor changed colors several times as he was flailing around.

His armor fell off." What the? When did she get in here?" he asked pointing at Batgirl.

“She’s just here to make sure we're not disturbed." I say cracking my knuckles. "The Extremis won't help you now Stark. I suggest you defend yourself."

“So it's come down to this huh Wayne? You and your little family are safe from prosecution you have my word, you don't have to do this."

“If you’re going to talk it will just make it easier for me. But one way or another you have pain coming, and have had it coming for a long time now." I punch him in the jaw to let him know I'm serious.

“Fine!" he spits out blood and throws a right cross that I dodge. I’m actually surprised when he lands a kick in my gut. “I recognize those moves Captain America so he taught you to fight did he? And you repaid him by killing him!"


This enraged Stark and had him flailing at me with haymakers it's so easy some times. I grab him by his arm and toss him into a computer desk as he slowly gets up I punch him a few more times. Until finally he just falls and takes it. I think my point came across.

“I can neutralize your armor anytime I want. If you ever come after me or any of my charges I will do just that and the beating you received today is just a small sample of what I can do to you. If your change of heart lately is for real I'm glad for you, but if not just think of this next time you want to force metahumans to become weapons."

“I never wanted that!" Stark spits out more blood. “This it all... just got out of my control."

“Hh, I suggest you get it back under control or we'll chat again, good day Mister Stark."

So I felt later that night, that I could sit in the Batcave with a glass of scotch (Yes I'm hiding it from Robin.) I'm not a big drinker but every once in a while I will indulge especially when a case goes bad , like how the Rishou one went.

I let my self relax for a second that's where I made my mistake. Gwen Brown's shrill little girl voice startles me. “You not mommy not mommy!"

I should hope not. “Alfred I thought I told you not to let Gwen in the cave unsupervised.”

Yeah that brat is annoying isn't partner? I can't believe they're trying to tell me she's mine."

I look up to see Stephanie Brown in a variation of the Robin costume. “There had better be good explanation."

The one she gave me was... insane Anthony Stark the kid one taking over the world, and changing everything, and Hank Pym as the Hulk. Blue Lanterns, just what we need another color of power ring and some things I don't even want to mention.

In the middle of this Nightwing appears on the Batcomputer to tell me the Outsiders. Had some interesting info for me. When he suddenly shouts, “Holy evil twins Batman!"

Good he sees it too I'm not seeing double.



The one in the Spoiler costume picks up Gwen and starts with the inane baby talk. I look at them both “Do I need to be involved in whatever this is?"

“Nope." Spoiler responds as she smiles at her look a like “Let’s get you back to your life and outta mine huh?"

Dick asks" What is going on?"


“I don't even want to know." I shake my head. As the two Stephanie Browns with Gwen use the telporter to West City. Suddenly Diana’s face comes up on screen “I see you're back alright."

Oh right I have to make up for the last missed date." We can do whatever you want as long as there are no clones of Robin’s girlfriends involved."

Diana gives me an odd look. Nightwing just laughs. "Believe me you don't want to know Diana."

Later

This is nice...



I'll worry about confronting Spoiler over the Black Mask thing later

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Damn...

I watched the CD over and over that I found in Robin's room. I kept wanting to believe it was faked. Though my intuition told me it was not. I put it through every test on the Bat computer.

No it's real, but it makes no sense Black Mask has been dead for a year. And it was Selina that tossed him off the roof. So Spoiler shot an animated corpse but she didn't know that. I somehow suspect that it has something to do with this black ring that Bruce Cain was clutching when we defeated him.

I scanned it. It's like Hal's John's and Guy's rings. But for the life of me I can't figure out what its source of power is. That’s not my concern right now what is that Spoiler was willing to commit murder.

No she couldn't get arrested for it, because there are no laws against shooting zombies, and I could maybe understand why she would want to kill Mask he killed her. But what I want to know is will she do anything like this again?

I don't want another Red Hood running around Gotham. Diana walks up behind me Blast! I forgot our date.
“Somehow I knew I’d find you in the cave Bruce. You know Gotham or the world won't fall apart if you take some time off." She looks at the screen "Hera!"

“Yes seeing one of the young heroes go astray is startling." I groan.

“Well yes there is that but look how scared she is her hand is shaking. She seems terrified of the skull faced man."

Part of me thought "Of course Diana wouldn't have a problem with killing look what she did to Max Lord." That part I stifled immediately. Because last time I mentioned Max Lord this happened.

Not an experience I'd like to repeat. "I don't want her ending up like Jason." I say instead. "I hope I'm not too late."

"She doesn't seem as comfortable with lethal force as Jason. Though I would suggest you not fire her or try to take away her costume this time." Diana suggests.

“I did those things to try and save her life, but in hindsight it made her want to prove herself more. Sigh. Richard was such a good kid he grew up to be an even better man, I'm not sure I was ready for more difficult children like Jason."

“Stephanie is not yours Bruce like Dick and Jason, and now Tim."

" Yes but I'm still responsible she was Robin as well, I have to find out if she can be redeemed or if I'll have to take her down one day."

Alfred runs down the stirs “I’m sorry master Bruce! I couldn't stop him from coming in."

Wolverine busts in and tries to claw at me; Diana grabs his wrist and slams him against the cave wall “You are a guest here, act like it!"

"Hidin' behind yer girlfriend eh?" Logan growls.

“I’ve beaten you a couple of times already Logan, as you have defeated me as well. I didn't bring you here to fight with her I had actually forgotten she was coming here. No I called you here to show you this message.

I show him a printout of a computer message I had gotten earlier in the day. It reads "Rishou is in Kyoto." signed?.

“The Question? Yaw believes 'im?"

“His relationship with reality maybe somewhat strained, but yes I believe he may have uncovered something."

“Then what're waitin' for? Let's go bub."

Looks like Spoiler will have to wait as will Diana. “Can we take a rain check?" I ask.

She rolls her eyes. “I understand, if you need any help..."

“I’ll call." I assure her. You know I must be as insane as some people think I am. Instead of going out on a date with Wonder Woman I'm on the Batplane with a smelly short mutant. Yes I am insane but after Rishou is taken down hopefully I'll never have to see Wolverine again.

When we land in Japan, however our progress is impeded when Logan is immediately attacked by ninjas.

What is it with him and ninjas? Hh. This is going to be a long trip.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Cain goes home.

We found Bruce Cain; oddly he was in the morgue hovering over the body of Black Mask. Why is he still in the Morgue? He was killed over a year ago. I look at it and oddly the body has a gun shot whole in the forehead, what is Jim Gordon letting them do in here?

Then a thought came to my mind, zombies? I hope not I really hate zombies. I push that thought to the back of my head. “Bruce it’s time for you to return home."

" Heh. No matter what time I'm in you always want to get rid of me Grandpa."

I ignore that. “You’ve killed way too many people, to be allowed to go free. I'm sorry Bruce you have to pay for your crimes."

He laughs. "Any 'crime' I committed was undone by the Dragon Balls. I asked the dragon to restore anyone I've killed that didn't deserve it. I've had a change of heart I changed my history and am no longer the same person..."

I stop him." You being here disrupts the timeline."

He punches me out the window of the morgue. "Bah! I go where I want to go."

Terry flies in to Cain. “If you've hurt him... "

Cain kicks McGuiness off of him. “Don’t worry he's only bruised. I don't kill family , lucky for you Terry."

What does he mean by that? I'm still adopting kids however many years into the future Bruce comes from? Hh Forget about that I have to worry about defeating this saiyan.

It turns out a boy with Saiyan powers, super strength and speed, along with Cassandra's is rather hard to defeat. What's worse, he knows how I work I reach for my belt and he blasts at me before I can use Sonics, or sleeping gas.

I leap over the blast and he grabs me and tears off the belt then tosses me across the alley. “Enough of your toys gramps."

Terry fires those Batrangs from his suit. Cain dodges them oddly he has the same look on his face Cass does when she dodges bullets. He then blasts Terry in such a way to destroy his suit, but not Terry.

“Last Warning you two! Back off!"

Terry looks over to me “Any ideas?"

“Always. The things against us he’s as powerful as Superman his first language is body language he knows what we're going to do before we do. But we do have an advantage for whatever reason he won't go all out against us, I need a distraction so I can get to my belt."

Almost as if on cue Wolverine pops up and yells " You and, me are gonna talk about why ya didn't give Ana backup!"

Wolverine again? This guy is worse than obsessed ex girlfriend. (Stop calling me Talia!) It doesn't matter when he tries to jump over, and slash me Cain backhands him away. "Don't you touch him Rodent!"

Logan makes a swipe at Cain "Why do ya care saiyan?"

Cain grabs Logan's arm and slams it into the mutant's chest. “This is a family spat Freak!"

While Cain was blasting Logan I run over and grab the belt, I find the tranq gas capsules and toss enough to knock out a herd of elephants. Cain passes out.

We leave Wolverine to heal in the alley. I really don't have time to deal with his whining right now. Terry drags Cain to a clearing then smiles. “When the time comes doesn’t be such a bastard to me huh?"

" Hn. I can't guarantee that, If you are to survive in the Mean streets of Gotham you need to be tough."

He rolls his eyes you never did change did you?" he pushes a button on his belt and vanishes. Well that's one less problem stalking around, now to take care of Iron Man.


Meanwhile in the Future Terry appears in New Gotham. “Okay Cain let's get you to the cave Ibn Al Xu'ffach. Is going to have a fit when he knows you're back. Hope the LOA still considers you the true heir to their leadership, or The Old Man's plan is going to go down hill fast. That and if you'll cooperate.

All of the sudden the two are surrounded. “Good work Batman! Now turn over Mr. Cain to us."

“And who the frak are you?" Terry asks.

“We’re the Chronal law enforcement agency, Cain here created a major disruption in the Timeline one that's having ripple effects all up and down the time stream, Cain wake up! You are under arrest!"

As they pull Cain away Terry growls “Crap! Wayne isn't going to like this."

Monday, April 7, 2008

A visit from Ironman

I wake up and find a huge statue of Bart Allen in my front yard. Sigh it's obvious who put that there. I get dressed and walk down the hall to Robin's room. “Tim! Get that out of the front yard!" I yell knocking at his door.

“Where am I supposed to put it Bruce?"

“How about where Titan's Tower used to be?"

" How about you stop using the Titans for free labor?" He yells.

“I would but they keep breaking things, I think hey owe me at least a million dollars at this point." I notice MS. Martian walking by. “Excuse me? Would you mind taking the Kid Flash statue to Titan's Tower?"


She gets defensive. “But I have not broken anything."

“I’ll buy you an ice cream cake."

“Joy!" She phases through the wall to the statue. Good that's done. Alfred gets the car ready, While I make a few calls, After making sure I'm not needed by the JLA, outlaws or in Gotham, I get in the car , and get ready to go to Wayne Enterprises , Joy. And yes that was sarcasm.

While in the car, Oracle calls, I'm hoping it's something that can get me out of work. No such luck. “Batman? Jason has apparently been annoying Batwoman."

“Okay what's he doing now?" I rub the temples of my head.

“Well seems he has a girlfriend, and he was asking Batwoman for um, help in um...."

I stop her “I think I get the idea Barbara. Speaking of which, when you talk dirty to Richard over the communicators make sure you are only talking to him, I caught Superboy, Blue Beetle, and The Devil Kid all listening in to you last night."

I hear a gasp over the communicator. “How long did they listen?"

“I don't know, but Conner was taking notes, and it wasn't just them, think of how many heroes have those communicators..."

“Oh my god I can't look any of them in the eyes again, I have to go."

And that was the last thing that was interesting for hours that day, board meetings, office work, phone calls, Etc, Etc. Finally I received a buzz from my secretary. “Mr. Anthony Stark is here."

I was confused for a second, "The teenager or the adult?"

"Adult sir."

“Send him in."

Stark comes looking like the cat that ate the canary.

“What does the deputy director of SHIELD Want with me?" I ask in my meekest voice possible while trying not to punch him in the jaw.

“It’s not you Mister Wayne, but you're alter ego I’m interested in."

“What?" I ask.

“I know you're Batman, you might as well quit acting, you've been annoying us with those Outlaws of yours for some time, but it ends here."

I put my finder on a button underneath my desk. “Is that so?"

"Yes I didn't come here for a fight. Normally I'd arrest you, on many charges, including child endangerment, and espionage. Besides the fact that you are a vigilante. But this is far more important."


“More important than you taking away people's liberties?" I accuse. “You and your Registration Act drafted anyone with a superpower!"

He glares. "Like you trusted them so much did you not create Brother I to watch those with Superpowers? Or do you not have many ways to defeat the Justice League in case they go rouge in your computer? Look here, the registration Act wasn't perfect, but it was the lesser of two evils heroes need training, and the Teen Titans idea doesn’t work, hell how many of them are dead now? People didn't want vigilantes with the power to burn down cities just running around. “He sighs.” But this is bigger."

“What is?"

“You should Know Bruce, Skrulls they now have superpowers, all of them."

I sigh. “I and The Outlaws did find evidence that they were experimenting with the metahuman genome, they couldn't duplicate Kryptonian, but others they were close."

“Well they've succeeded, Mister Wayne. One had the eyebeams of Cyclops, someone's fire power, and other abilities. They are going to take hew world right from under our noses unless we fight back."

“What do you propose?" I ask.

“You’re too big a resource to lock away It would be better to have Batman fighting there skrulls, than sitting in a cell. I say we pool our resources, rid the Earth of this threat, and then worry about anything else later. "

I shake his hand. “Sounds good, though I still don't like you."

“You don't have to." He smiles. “I’ve worked with USAgent so I'm used so I know people don't have to like each other to work for the common good."

The Outlaws aren't going to like this, tough, if they don't they know where the door is. After I get home I dress in my bat costume and am about to call a meeting of the JLA to brief them on the Stark situation. When this strange teenage, boy stumbles into the cave.

“Bruce I need you're help!"

“Who are you?" I yell. “How did you get into this cave?"

“Well my name's terry and I'm Batman."

Great an insane kid I'm about to throw a Batarang at him when he shows me technology more advanced than I've ever seen, And of all things it' an I pod from the future.

“I’m from another time and I've been sent to take Bruce Cain back with me."

“By Who?" I interrogate.

“By you."

Sounds like I need to hear this kid out, I'll decide if he's crazy after.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Memed by a man child.

“Alfred what is a Meme?"

“Sir I know less of the 'net than you do just as Master Dick Or Tim."

"Forget that I'm the Goddamned Batman, I'll figure it out."

“You’re going to ask Oracle aren't you Sir? Oh and the whole Goddamned thing stopped being funny long ago."

"Hh. Perhaps you are right Alfred."

Any ways I the Batman was tagged by Vegeta the immature alien man child. So I have to take time out of fighting crime in Gotham, working in the JLA, or leading the Outlaws to do this stupid Meme.


List seven random things about yourself that people may not know.Link the person who sent this to you, and leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.Post the rules on your blog.Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, linking their blog. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Hh. So that's what a meme is: annoying. Fine.

1: The reason I put my symbol on everything I own is because I have obsessive compulsive disorder.

2: I never dated Barbara Gordon that was a sick thing from that cartoon which was good until that came up. I'm not a dirty old man who likes dating his kid's girlfriends, or his friend's daughter.

3: The original Robin costume was a joke by Barry Allen; he thought Dick Grayson wouldn't wear it. He didn't know Dick was an exhibitionist even then. Still not sure what was going on with the pixie boots.


4: Despite what some may say Superman is my best friend. And human shield it's how I've lived so long in the JLA.

5: I have pretty much everything in my belt. Batarangs, Bat matches Bat tooth picks,Bat Shark repellent, Bat Breath mints, etc. You would be surprised how often I use the Bat shark repellent.

6: I believe in magic I just don't like it.

7: I know who Batwoman is. I just don't know what she thinks she's doing. I'm the billionaire with issues and the bat gimmick in Gotham, not her.

Now to tag. Since I have to suffer through why not the rest of the Bat family?

1 Nightwing
2Robin
3 and 4 Red Robin, and because I hate him Iron Man.
5 and 6 Batgirl,and Spoiler.
7 And finally because he lets Kon post on his blog more often than he does. Superman.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Azreal

Nightwing is back to normal. Which is one less thing I have to worry about, also it makes Supergirl easier to deal with. Now I've decided To track Down Jean Paul Valley.

He's been running around disrupting My operations. First pretending to be me and stalking Vampirella, Second in messing with Cassandra, now he angers Wolverine and sets him against me. Which just made Azreal priority #1.

It's not like he's excactly hiding from me. In Fact he's been running around Gotham in that stupid armored Batman suit of his that makes it look as if I've had a bastard offspring with Optimius Prime.

He was trying to kill a bunch of gangsters. I make my my dramatic entrance.

"Azreal! It's time for a reckoning!" I kick him away from the criminals.

“Actually, I'd like you to leave my City. You're a has -been, I'm a lot better Batman than you'll ever be W.... Ungh" I hit him in the face with a Batarang. I'd rather he not blurt out my secret identity.

I always wonder if I shouldn't pull and Iron Man and wipe out my ID from the brains of the people that already know it. No if I do one thing that Stark did it wouldn't be long before I find my self Fighting with Superman and trying to lock him in a Phantom Zone Prison.

Valley shoots a grappling hook uses it to climb up a building, I do the same so glad that random celebrities don't pop out of the windows anymore, do you know how many criminals got away while Me , and Robin (Richard) were talking to Don Knotts? Grr.


When to get to the top of the building, I'm assailed by little batarangs from his gauntlets. They all are deflected by body armor but they make a little clanging noises . my ears are going to be ringing for weeks.

“Those aren't batarangs Valley this is a batarang. " I throw one that explodes cracking his armor open in a specific place. He comes at me with those and spikes (Ugh 90'S Costume designs.) Screaming “You’re not Batman! Batman doesn't tell jokes!"

Oh Sure Spider-Man tells them, and no one seems to care. But me or Superman tell them we're out of character we were using the snappy dialogue while Spider-man was just noticing girls. "

My apparent change in personality infuriates Valley. “Grayson! You're a pretender! What happened to Wayne?"

I dodge another claw and throw a control chip into his armor. Then I start acting like my self “It’s me Jean Paul."

I push a button on my belt and his armor freezes. “What how?" He shouts.

" You built your armor in my Cave, and you left the blueprints though I could have gotten what I needed from the security footage of you building it, Now what is this about?"

“You accepted Cassandra, and Jason back into your little family but you never even looked for me after I was "killed".”

I'm a little taken aback. “Jason was my adopted son, and Cassandra was drugged, also while I never officially adopted her I did take in Cassandra as my daughter. They are both teenagers. You're a grown man Valley; I thought if you vanished it was your choice. Well that And I haven't really accepted Jason back."

He laughs bitterly. “Please he's calling himself 'Red Robin.' It doesn't take a genius to know he's your mole in SHIELD."

That does sound like something I’d do... “So what is this, a bid for attention Valley? Act your age."

“The System it tells me to do things. I can't stop it.

So that's it the brainwashing he's had ever since he was a child is affecting him again .All this was some kind of call for help.

“I’ll contact some a deprogrammer I know, that is if you're really serious about coming back, but I want you mentally healthy."

He agreed he also agreed to never dress as Batman again. I paid for him a ticket to fly to a psychiatric hospital. Glad that's over now to enact my plan to capture the serial killer Rishou.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Wolverine is a bigger waste of space than I first thought.

The Outlaws are busy taking down Weapon X. They seem to be able to handle it. So I decide it's time to go down to the Batcave and do some research on this Serial killer Shi is after. Unfortunately I'm greeted by this. Disgusting I keep telling them to leave that in West City. Also what is that thing in the corner going "woot" ? Looks like I need to fumigate the Cave again. Well there's only one response to that, give Robin two hours extra training for introducing Vincent to Cassandra.

The problem he'll take out on Superboy giving him extra training for no reason, then Superman Will come here all mad, then again that will at least get him out of the funk he's been in lately. I'm supposed to be the brooding one dammit.

“Vincent! Go home!" I order in my authoritative voice.

After grunting a little, he finally leaves. Oracle whispers in Cassandra's ear. "How many times did I tell you not to make out here the Boss can see?"

“Richard!” I yell "You're training with Batgirl today."

“But holy chivalry Batman! She's a girl!"

" Yes I think that's why she's called Batgirl." I respond.

They go up to the ring and start sparring. I'm hoping that this will jog some of Richard's memories , or maybe at least some of his advanced fight training will instinctually come back to save him from Cassandra's onslaughts.

I hear a lot of girlie screaming I turn and Cass has him in a triangle choke. Well that isn't working so far, but I should let the fight go for another fifteen minutes and see if any sign of Nightwing ever shows itself.

Before I can observe anymore an alarm goes off and the Bat Computer shows me camera footage of Wolverine cutting down some penguin thugs and calling me out. Sigh. I forgot all about him and his little emotional breakdown.

Not that I usually involve myself in mutant pathos, but this is effecting my strike team and their abilities, so I'd better go see Logan and let him know that his paranoia about me and Ana is unfounded.


I drive the Batmobile to the scene. Yes I'm finally buying gas for it, my other mode of transportation the Whirly -Bat was ... well just stupid. It’s petty much a lawn chair with a propeller on it. Though Alfred is still refusing to fill it. Luckily I have one of the Teen Titans do it now. I've finally found a use for them: manual labor.

I drive into Logan to catch his attention, I wonder which titan I'll force to buff out the claw marks in the paint job? Beast Boy looked pretty lazy last time I saw him.

Anyway I announce. “Logan I don't batarang your enemies please don't mutilate mine."

He jumps me.

Not that I didn't expect this. I throw a batrang that explodes and covers him in powder. he falls on the ground rolling around. “What the flamin' hell is this crap? AAAGH!"

" Itching powder.” I let a smile come over my face for a second. “I know your healing factor will fix you up soon enough, but listen to me you idiot I am not dating Shi. I was recruiting her for my strike team that's all we're only professional. Use your senses you can tell I'm telling the truth."

He gets up and stares at Me." yeah but maybe ya can fool my senses?"

" Possibly," I shrug. “But why would I? I have been dating Wonder Woman. I'd rather not be knocked from Gotham to New Jersey thank you very much."

He glares. “Yeah I do smell 'er on ya. Dammit! I've been suckered."

“By who?" I question.

“I dunno some punk I ain't ever heard Azreal or somethin' He sent me pictures of you and Ana."

Jean Paul! That's it! He's had a beating coming to him for along time now. It's time for me to give it to him. “You should know not to trust pictures in the age of Photoshop."

“Yeah, I guess bub, maybe I was just lookin' fer a reason to breakup with Ana." he growls.

" Why?" I have to say the way Logan looks, and smells he was lucky to get Ana and not dating his hand.

“They all die on me bub, either from old age, or slaughtered by someone."

Well that I can understand, though more often in my case they go crazy, or evil. “Someone once told me not to be afraid of Death so much that I stop living."

Logan shakes his head. “Who told ya that?"

"Superman, though he was exposed to a color of Kryptonite that made him act as if he was drunk at the time."

He laughs. “Drunken boy scout I'd pay to see that."

"Hh. It's not as amusing it sounds. “I have no idea what Logan decided to do about the whole Shi thing, but since he left Gotham without more incidents it's none of my business any more. When I return to the Cave I find Richard still getting beaten.

“Oracle? Why are they still sparring? it's been much longer than fifteen minutes."

“Oh really I hadn't noticed.” She gives an evil grin. I'm thinking this has something to do with Barbara's relationship with Nightwing I decide it's better not to pry, and tell Cass to take a break.

I notice she left an envelope on the conference table with something scrawled on it. I open it and see.


I have never wanted to see her like... that. I look at the envelope and again and finally decipher the scrawl as "for Vince." Fine. Robin gets five hours extra training for introducing those two. Also there’s that thing again. I’m defiantly getting the cave fumigated.